,WE GRATE;LLY AC"KL$GE !   
          G5]\S SPONSOR%IP (
        ,HI<L& ,/REET ,3NEC;N 
     = MAK+ ? BOOK AVAILA# 9 BRL4




































        ,,FRONT ,,POR* ,,TALES
    ,W>M-,HE>T$ ,/ORIES ( ,FAMILY1
       ,FAI?1 ,LAU<T]1 & ,LOVE

           0,PHILIP ,GULLEY

           ,"P #A ( #B ,"PS
        ,PAGES ;I-;XI & #A-FF


             ,PUBLI%$ BY3
       ,H>P],COLL9S ,PUBLI%]S1
        #AJ ,EA/ #ECRD ,/REET1
       ,NEW ,YORK1 ,,NY #AJJBB4
    ,FUR!R REPRODUC;N OR 4TRIBU;N
        9 O!R ?AN A SPECIALIZ$
          =MAT IS PROHIBIT$4

              ,PRODUC$ 9
        ,JI6Y-,BRL 7;,,TM7 BY3
       ,N,NAL ,BRL ,PRESS ,9C4
        #HH ,/4 ,/EPH5 ,/REET
         ,BO/ON1 ,,MA #JBAAE
           7#HJJ7 #EDH-GCBC
                #BJJE








   ,COPY"R #BJJA 0,PHILIP ,GULLEY4

  ,? DOCU;T 0 PREP>$ 9 ,JI6Y-,BRL
7;,,TM71 A TRANSCRIP;N ME?OD :
BYPASSES PRO(R1D+ 9 ORD] 63S]VE
PRODUC;N "T & EXP5SE4 ,"! MAY 2 AN
O3A.NAL ]ROR1 B X %D N SIGNIFICANTLY
A6ECT R1D+4 ,IF X DOES1 WE WD
APPRECIATE 2+ NOTIFI$4








       ,,BOOK ,,JACKET ,,9=M,N    ;III

      ,=E^W 0,PAUL ,H>VEY1 ,JR4

  8,) HOMESPUN GRACE1 ,QUAK] PA/OR
,PHILIP ,GULLEY IS ON 8 WAY 62COM+ \R
[N ,G>RISON ,KEILLOR40
    --.,9DIANAPOLIS .,MON?LY .,MAGAZ9E

  8,K9DLY1 FUNNY ''' "T.S 9SPIR,NAL
R1D+40--.,BOOKLI/

  8,"P .,M>K .,TWA91 "P .,G>RISON
.,KEILLOR1 ,PHILIP ,GULLEY IS A BR1? (
FRE% AIR 9 AN OV]-SOPHI/ICAT$ & (T5
JAD$ _W4 ,HE HAS ! ,%AKESPE>1N ABIL;Y
TO ,8SEE ?+S0' T >E ALW TRUE4 ,B !N1
T'S ! MAGIC ( /ORY40
    --,GLORIA ,GAI!R1 S+] & S;GWRIT]

  8,:AT EXQUISITE WRIT+ & P5ETRAT+
9SI<T6 ,PHILIP ,GULLEY 2L;GS 9 .,!
.,NEW .,YORK]40
    --,BR5NAN ,MANN+1 AU?OR ( .,RU?.S
    .,TRU/

  ,,PHILIP ,,GULLEY IS A ,QUAK] M9I/]1
BE/SELL+ AU?OR1 SP1K]1 HUSB&1 & "F4
,HE & 8 WIFE1 ,JOAN1 LIVE 9 ,9DIANA1 )
_! SONS1 ,SP;ER & ,SAM4

  ,SCRIPTURE QUOT,NS >E F ! .,REVIS$
.,/&>D .,V].N 7,,RSV7 7COPY"R7 #AIDF1
#AIEB 0! ,DIVI.N ( ,*RI/IAN ,$UC,N (!
,N,NAL ,C\NCIL (! ,*UR*ES ( ,*RI/ 9 !
,UNIT$ ,/ATES ( ,AM]ICA














                                    ;V











               ,6,JOAN












                ,,=E^W
   ,,! ,,*UR* ,,9 ,,! ,,WILD ,,WOOD

  ,I DON'T "K :AT ,I EXPECT$ 6F9D AT !
5D ( T N>R[ ROAD "? ! B>E TREES 9
,M>ION ,C.TY1 ,9DIANA1 B :AT ,I F.D 0
A LL R$-BRICK *UR*4 ,A 8MEET+H\SE10 !
,QUAK]S CALL X4
  ,I W5T 9SIDE4
  ,! PLACE ( WOR%IP 0 A ROOM1 PLA9 &
SIMPLE1 ) SMOO? TILE FLOORS & FOLD+
*AIRS FAC+ A MODE/ WOOD5 PULPIT4 ,2H
?1 SITT+ ON A *AIR FAC+ ! O!RS1 0 A
MAN4 ,R "Y1 HE SEEM$4 ,L1N 9 FACE &
FRAME4 ,H&S CLASP$ 9 8 LAP1 H1D B[$
SLI<TLY1 EYES %UT TI<TLY1 9 OBVI\SLY
E>NE/ PRAY]4
  ,&! S]VICE ( ,FRS 2GAN4
  ,:5 ! Y\?;L PA/OR /OOD1 ! APPE>.E (
PIETY VANI%$4 ,X 0 CLE>1 9 A QUIET
SORT ( WAY1 T HE LOV$ ^! P 9 ! FOLD+
*AIRS4 ,& T !Y LOV$ HM4 ,& Z 8 EYES
MET _!S1 ,I /UDI$ ! =M]3 L>GE1 BR[N1
SMIL+1 P5ETRAT+ EYES4 ,"S?+ WOND];L IS
AB 6HAPP51 ,I ?"\4
  ,& X DID4                       ;VII
  ,X 0 N A 8SP1K]'S VOICE10 RE,Y4 ,B X
0 W>M & SMOO?1 & X M1SUR$ ! ^WS X
SPOKE ! WAY A J\RNEYMAN C>P5T] M1SURES
WOOD4 ,& S1 "O RAFT]1 "O CASE;T AT A
"T1 DID ,PHILIP ,GULLEY CRAFT = U 9 !
FOLD+ *AIRS A H\SE1 ( SORTS1 9 : WE
DWELL$ =! NEXT TW5TY M9UTES OR S & :
,I H (T5 HAPPILY REVISIT$ 9 MY M9D "E
S9CE4
  ,6P>APHRASE HM WD PA9T A MIS%AP51
COLOR.S PICTURE ( T DE> PLACE HE CR1T$
= U4 ,B ,I REMEMB] H[ :AT HE SD MADE
ME FEEL3 Z ?\< ,I 7 DRAWN 96A _W = :
,I L;G$1 & YET : ,I _H 2LIEV$ 0 N[
9A3ESSI# 9 ^! TURBUL5T HI<-TE* "TS4 ,!
TALE HE UNVEIL$ 0 T5D] & HUMOR\S1 &!
"*S :O POPULAT$ X--R1L P :OM ! "Y
PA/OR _H "KN--CAME VIVIDLY 6LIFE Z HE
SPOKE4 ,& !N1 SU451 UNEXPECT$1
LUMP-IN-!-?ROAT POIGNANCY4 ,& ,I F.D
MYF LA;T+ IRRESI/IBLY T O!RS :O H
L;G$1 Z ,I _H1 = ONCE-^U-ANO!R-"T DID
N "K ! WAY D[N ! N>R[ ROAD "? ! B>E
TREES 6! *UR* 9 ! WILD WOOD &! G5TLE
VOICE4
  ,WELL1 N[ Y D4
      ,PAUL ,H>VEY1 ,JR4

      ,A ,,^W ,,AB ,,^! ,,/ORIES

  ,A FEW (! "NS & EV5TS 9 ? BOOK H BE5
ALT]$ 6PROTECT P]SONS / LIV+1 "NLY ME4
,! ALT]NATIVE IS FULL 4CLOSURE1 : M1NS
,I CDN'T G BACK HOME = ,SWAP & ,%OP
,"DS OR MUSIC NI<TS AT ,ELLIS ,P>K4
,?OMAS ,WOLFE 0 MISTAK54 ,WE C G HOME
AG4 ,B N IF WE TELL ! :OLE1 UNV>NI%$
TRU?4 ,IF Y'RE F A SMALL T[N1 Y'LL
"U/& :AT ,I M1N4
    ,PHILIP ,GULLEY









               ,,3T5TS             ;IX

               ,,"P #A

                                 ,PAGE
,"P ,I3 ,FOLKS ,I'VE ,"KN """"""""" #A
  ,GR[+ ,ROOTS """""""""""""""""""" #B
  ,! ,FRONT ,POR* ,CLASSROOM """""" #E
  ,:5 ! ,TREE ,W5T ,CRA%+ """"""""" #H
  ,EXPECT,N """""""""""""""""""""" #AA
  ,DOC ,FO/] """"""""""""""""""""" #AD
  ,! ,PAP] ,R\TE """"""""""""""""" #AH
  ,/R1MS 9 ! ,DES]T """""""""""""" #BA
  ,MY ,GR&MA1 ! ,SA9T """""""""""" #BD
  ,MY ,GR&PA1 ! ,5IGMA """"""""""" #BF
  ,RUBY &! ,RA9 ,CR[ """"""""""""" #BI
  ,MY ,FR ,JIM & ,:Y ,I ,DON'T
      ,L ,HM """"""""""""""""""""" #CC
  ,TIM """"""""""""""""""""""""""" #CE
  ,! ,WIZ>D ( ,IS """""""""""""""" #CI
,"P ,,II3 ,HE>? & ,HOME """""""""" #DB
  ,:Y ,MY ,WIFE ,B"\ ,H&CU6S """"" #DC
  ,FAMILY ,VAC,NS """""""""""""""" #DF
  ,A ,FAMILY ,TRADI;N """""""""""" #DI
  8,PAT*ES0 """""""""""""""""""""" #EB
  ,"R ,HE>TS """"""""""""""""""""" #ED
  ,SURPRISE1 ,SURPRISE1
      ,SURPRISE6 """"""""""""""""" #EH
  ,H&YMAN ,BLUES """"""""""""""""" #FJ
  ,ADVICE ,GIV]S """"""""""""""""" #FC

               ,,"P #B

,"P ,,II3 ,HE>? & ,HOME 73T47 """" #FG
  ,! ,SECOND ,* """""""""""""""""" #FG
  ,PRES5TS & ,PRES;E """"""""""""" #GJ
  ,MY ,CUP ,RUNNE? ,OV] & ,S
      ,DOES ,MY ,TOILET """""""""" #GC
  ,GUYS """""""""""""""""""""""""" #GF
  ,FAMILY ,LIFE & ,O!R ,R1SONS
      ,JESUS ,N"E ,M>RI$ """"""""" #GH
  ,3FES.NS """"""""""""""""""""""" #HB
  ,LIFE'S ,TOO ,%ORT """"""""""""" #HE
,"P ,,III3 ,OBS]V,NS """"""""""""" #HH
  ,! ,KIT*5 ,TA# """"""""""""""""" #HI
  ,TELEVI.N """""""""""""""""""""" #IB
  ,VOC,N """"""""""""""""""""""""" #IE
  ,TA/+ ,TE>S """""""""""""""""""" #II
  ,LIB]TY """"""""""""""""""""""" #AJB
  ,/UFF """"""""""""""""""""""""" #AJE
                                   ;XI
  ,": ,I ,/& """""""""""""""""""" #AJI
  ,! ,DOG ,:O ,WDN'T ,DIE """"""" #AAB
  ,S\L ,T5D+ """""""""""""""""""" #AAE
  ,SEEK+ & ,F9D+ """""""""""""""" #AAH
  ,EX]CISE """""""""""""""""""""" #ABB
  ,MIS]Y 6JOY """"""""""""""""""" #ABE
  ,TAK+ ,9V5TORY """""""""""""""" #ABI
  ,H>DW>E ,H1V5 """"""""""""""""" #ACB
  ,FAMILY ,VALUES """"""""""""""" #ACE

,? BRL EDI;N 3TA9S ! 5TIRE TEXT (!
PR9T EDI;N4





































        ,,FRONT ,,POR* ,,TALES      #A

          ,FOLKS ,I'VE ,"KN

  ,I LIVE 9 A NEI<BORHOOD FULL ( *N4
,I N"E KNEW "! 7 *N >.D UNTIL S*OOL
2GAN & ,I SAW !M WAIT+ =! BUS4 ,\TSIDE
( S*OOL1 !Y /AY 9 _! HOMES & PLAY
,N9T5DO4 ,I DON'T "K ANY ( _! "NS4 ,I
SELDOM SEE !M RIDE _! BIKES OR PLAY
FOOTBALL OR BASEBALL4 ,I KEEP WAIT+ =
!M 6-E >.D & PLAY 9 ! MEET+H\SE Y>D1 B
!Y SELDOM D4 ,S X SITS EMPTY4 ,WE LAID
\ A BASEBALL DIAMOND1 HOP+ KIDS WD GET
! MESSAGE4 ,B V9ES GREW UP & NATURE
RECLAIM$ X 2F ! FEET ( LL *N CD WE> X
B>E4
  ,I ?ANK ,GOD ,I 0 BORN 2F ,N9T5DO &
VIDEO GAMES & ALL ! O!R ?+S T KEEP
KIDS F GETT+ \ & EXPLOR+ _! 5VIRONS4
,MY P>5TS TURN$ (F ! TELEVI.N SET &
S5T ME \TDOORS1 ": ,I MET ALL K9DS (
9T]E/+ P1 L ,MRS4 ,H>VEY & ,DOCTOR
,GI2S & ,MR4 ,WELTY4
  ,"K+ ^! P 0 AN $UC,N 9 &( XF4 ,"S"TS
P ASK ME :5 & ": ,I />T$ PREP>+ =
M9I/RY4 ,I TELL !M ,I 0 T5 YE>S OLD &
T X 0 9 ,DOCTOR ,GI2S' Y>D1 ! "D HE 0
B1T+ 8 SAPL+S )A ROLL$-UP NEWSPAP]4
  ,"H IS 8 /ORY &! /ORIES ( O!R FOLKS
,I'VE "KN4 ,I HOPE Y >E Z B.S$ 0R1D+
AB ^! F9E P Z ,I 0 0"K+ !M4

             ,GR[+ ,ROOTS

  ,_H AN OLD NEI<BOR :5 ,I 0 GR[+ UP
"ND ,DOCTOR ,GI2S4 ,HE DIDN'T LOOK L
ANY DOCTOR ,I'D "E "KN4 ,E "T ,I SAW
HM1 HE 0 WE>+ D5IM OV]ALLS &A /RAW
HAT1 ! FRONT BRIM ( : 0 GRE5 SUNGLASS
PLA/IC4 ,HE SMIL$ A LOT1 A SMILE T
MAT*$ 8 HAT--OLD & CR9KLY & WELL-WORN4
,HE N"E YELL$ AT U = PLAY+ 9 8 Y>D4 ,I
REMEMB] HM Z "S"O :O 0 A LOT NIC] ?AN
CIRCUM/.ES W>RANT$4
  ,:5 ,DOCTOR ,GI2S WASN'T SAV+ LIVES1
HE 0 PLANT+ TREES4 ,8 H\SE SAT ON T5
ACRES1 & 8 LIFE-GOAL 0 6MAKE X A =E/4
,! GD DOCTOR _H "S 9T]E/+ !ORIES 3C]N+
PLANT HUSB&RY4 ,HE CAME F ! 8,NO PA91
NO GA90 S*OOL ( HORTICULTURE4 ,HE   #C
N"E WAT]$ 8 NEW TREES1 : FLEW 9 ! FACE
( 3V5;NAL WISDOM4 ,ONCE ,I ASK$ :Y4
,HE SD T WAT]+ PLANTS SPOIL$ !M1 & T
IF Y WAT] !M1 EA* SU3ESSIVE TREE G5],N
W GR[ W1K] & W1K]4 ,S Y H 6MAKE ?+S
R\< = !M & WE$ \ ! WE5IE TREES E>LY
ON4
  ,HE TALK$ AB H[ WAT]+ TREES MADE =
%ALL[ ROOTS1 & H[ TREES T W]5'T WAT]$
_H 6GR[ DEEP ROOTS 9 SE>* ( MOI/URE4
,I TOOK HM 6M1N T DEEP ROOTS 7 6BE
TR1SUR$4
  ,S HE N"E WAT]$ 8 TREES4 ,HE'D PLANT
AN OAK &1 9/1D ( WAT]+ X E MORN+1 HE'D
B1T X )A ROLL$ UP NEWSPAP]4 ,SMACK6
,SLAP6 ,P[6 ,I ASK$ HM :Y HE DID T1 &
HE SD X 0 6GET ! TREE'S ATT5;N4
  ,DOCTOR ,GI2S W5T 6GLORY A C\PLE
YE>S AF ,I LEFT HOME4 ,E N[ & AG1 ,I
WALK 0HIS H\SE & LOOK AT ! TREES T
,I'D WAT*$ HM PLANT "S TW5TY-FIVE YE>S
AGO4 ,!Y'RE GRANITE /R;G N[4 ,BIG &
ROBU/4 ,^? TREES WAKE UP 9 ! MORN+ &
B1T _! *E/S & DR9K _! C(FEE BLACK4
  ,I PLANT$ A C\PLE TREES A FEW YE>S
BACK4 ,C>RI$ WAT] 6!M =A SOLID SUMM]4
,SPRAY$ !M4 ,PRAY$ OV] !M4 ,! :OLE N9E
Y>DS4 ,TWO YE>S ( CO4L+ HAS RESULT$ 9
TREES T EXPECT 6BE WAIT$ ON H& & FOOT4
,:5"E A COLD W9D BL[S IN1 !Y TREM# &
*ATT] _! BRAN*ES4 ,SISSY TREES4
  ,FUNNY ?+ AB ^? TREES ( ,DOCTOR
,GI2S4 ,ADV]S;Y & DEPRIV,N SEEM$
6B5EFIT !M 9 WAYS -=T & EASE N"E CD4
  ,E NI<T 2F ,I G 6B$1 ,I G *ECK ON MY
TWO SONS4 ,I /& OV] !M & WAT* _! LL
BODIES1 ! RIS+ & FALL+ ( LIFE )94 ,I
(T5 PRAY = !M4 ,MO/LY ,I PRAY T _!
LIVES W 2 EASY4 8,"L1 SP>E !M F
H>D%IP40 ,B LATELY ,I'VE BE5 ?9K+ T
X'S "T 6*ANGE MY PRAY]4
  ,HAS 6D )! 9EVITABIL;Y ( COLD W9DS T
HIT U AT ! CORE4 ,I "K MY *N >E GO+
65C.T] H>D%IP1 & MY PRAY+ !Y WON'T IS
NAIVE4 ,"!'S ALW A COLD W9D BL[+ "S":4
  ,S ,I'M *ANG+ MY EV5TIDE PRAY]4 ,2C
LIFE IS T\<1 :E!R WE WANT X 6BE OR N4
,9/1D1 ,I'M GO+ 6PRAY T MY SONS' ROOTS
GR[ DEEP1 S !Y C DRAW /R5G? F ! HI45
S\RCES (! ET]NAL ,GOD4              #E
  ,TOO _M "TS WE PRAY = EASE1 B T'S A
PRAY] SELDOM MET4 ,:AT WE NE$ 6D IS
PRAY = ROOTS T R1* DEEP 96! ,ET]NAL1 S
:5 ! RA9S FALL &! W9DS BL[1 WE WON'T 2
SWEPT AS"U4

      ,! ,FRONT ,POR* ,CLASSROOM

  ,:5 ,I 0 9 ! F\R? GRADE1 ,I 0 (F]$ A
JOB Z A PAP] BOY4 ,X DIDN'T PAY M*
M"OY1 B ,I KNEW HAV+ A JOB WD BUILD MY
"* S ,I TOOK X1 GD "* 2+ IMPORTANT
6F\R?-GRAD]S4 ,MY LESSONS />T$ ! F/ "D
ON ! JOB4 ,A CU/OM] PAY+ 8 BILL ASK$
ME IF ,I WANT$ A TIP1 & ,I SD1
8,SURE40 ,HE SD1 8,/AY AWAY F WILD
WOM540
  ,"O ( MY CU/OM]S 0 A LADY "ND ,MRS4
,/ANLEY4 ,%E 0 A WID[ & N PR"O 6WILD
LIV+1 S ,I TOOK 6L+]+ ON H] FRONT POR*
DUR+ MY R.DS4 ,%E'D WAT* = ME 6-E D[N
H] /REET1 & 0! "T ,I'D P$AL$ UP 6H]
H\SE1 "!'D 2 A SLU%Y BOTTLE ( ,COKE
WAIT+ = ME4 ,I'D SIT & DR9K :ILE %E
TALK$4 ,T 0 \R "U/&+--,I DRANK1 %E
TALK$4
  ,! WID[ ,/ANLEY TALK$ MO/LY AB H]
D1D HUSB&1 ,ROG]4 8,ROG] & ,I W5T
GROC]Y %OPP+ ? MORN+ OV] 6! ,,IGA10
%E'D SAY4 ,! F/ "T %E SD T1 ! ,COKE
W5T UP MY NOSE4 ,T 0 BACK 9 ! "DS :5
,COKE GO+ UP YR NOSE WASN'T A CRIME1 J
A MITE UNCOM=TA#4
  ,W5T HOME & TOLD MY "F AB ,MRS4
,/ANLEY & H[ %E TALK$ Z IF ,MR4
,/ANLEY 7 / ALIVE4 ,DAD SD %E 0
PROBABLY L"OLY1 & T MAYBE ,I J "\ 6SIT
& LI/5 & NOD MY H1D & SMILE1 & MAYBE
%E'D "W X \ ( H] SY/EM4 ,S T'S :AT ,I
DID4 ,I FIGUR$ ? 0 ": ! "*-BUILD+ CAME
96PLAY4 ,TURN$ \ ,DAD 0 "R4 ,AF A FEW
SUMM]S1 %E SEEM$ 3T5T 6L1VE H] HUSB&
OV] AT ! ,S\? ,CEMET]Y4
  ,N[A"DS1 WE'D S5D ,MRS4 ,/ANLEY 6A
PSY*IATRI/4 ,B ALL %E _H BACK !N 0 A
FRONT POR* ROCK] & H] PAP] BOY'S E>1 :
TURN$ \ 6BE 5\<4
  ,I QUIT MY PAP] R\TE AF H] H1L+4
,MOV$ ON 6! LUCRATIVE BUSI;S ( LAWN
M[+4 ,DIDN'T SEE ! WID[ ,/ANLEY =   #G
S"EAL YE>S4 ,!N WE CROSS$ PA?S UP AT !
,*RI/IAN ,*UR*'S ANNUAL FUND-RAIS]
D9N]4 ,%E 0 /&+ 2H ! /1M TA# SPOON+ \
MA%$ POTATOES & LOOK+ RADIANT4 ,F\R
YE>S 2F %E'D _H 6BRIBE H] PAP] BOY )A
,COKE 6H "S"O 6TALK )2 N[ %E _H FRS
BRIMM+ OV]4 ,H] HUSB& 0 G"O1 B LIFE
W5T ON4 ,%E _H H] -MUN;Y & 0 LUM9\S )
LOVE4
  ,-MUN;Y IS A B1UTI;L ?+2 "S"TS X EV5
H1LS U & MAKES U BETT] ?AN WE WD
O!RWISE BE4
  ,I LIVE 9 ! C;Y N[4 ,MY FRONT POR*
IS A 3CRETE SLAB4 ,& MY PAP] BOY IS A
LADY "ND ,$NA ) ?REE KIDS &A
TWELVE-YE>-OLD ,HONDA4 ,E "D %E ASKS
ME H[ ,I'M DO+4 ,:5 ,I DON'T SAY
8F9E10 %E /ICKS >.D L;G 5 6F9D \ :Y4
,%E'S S* A NICE LADY T "S"TS ,I ACT Z
IF ,I H A PRO#M1 J S %E'LL T>RY4 ,%E'S
LIV$ 9 ! C;Y ALL H] LIFE1 B %E "KS AB
-MUN;Y1 TOO4
  ,-MUN;Y ISN'T S M* A LOCALE Z X IS A
/ATE ( M9D4 ,Y F9D X :5"E FOLKS ASK H[
Y'RE DO+ 2C !Y C>E1 & N 2C !Y'RE GETT+
PD 69QUIRE4
  ,TWO ?\S& YE>S AGO1 A *UR* ELD] "ND
,PET] WROTE ! RECIPE = -MUN;Y4 8,ABV
ALL ELSE10 HE WROTE1 8HOLD UNFAIL+ YR
LOVE = "O ANO!R1 S9CE LOVE COV]S A
MULTITUDE ( S9S0 7#A ,PET] #D3H74 ,T
M1NS :5 Y LOVE A P]SON1 Y O3A.N,Y H
6TURN A BL EYE T[>D _! %ORTCOM+S4
  ,K9D ( L :AT MY DAD TOLD ME AB !
WID[ ,/ANLEY4 ,"S"TS X'S BETT] 6NOD YR
H1D & SMILE4
  ,PSY*IATRI/S CALL T 85ABL+ D5IAL10 B
BACK :5 ,I DELIV]$ PAP]S1 WE CALL$ X
8-PAS.N40

       ,:5 ! ,TREE ,W5T ,CRA%+

  ,A FR ( M9E HAS A BUN* ( COLLEGE
DEGREES4 ,I 0 RE,Y IMPRESS$ UNTIL HE
TOLD ME HE 0 GO+ 6ANO!R C;Y 6DELIV] A
PAP]4 ,HECK1 ,I 0 DELIV]+ PAP]S 9 !
F\R? GRADE4 ,"O ( MY CU/OM]S 0 A
,QUAK] WID[ "ND ,MRS4 ,H>VEY4 ,:5 W1!R
P]MITT$1 %E'D SIT ON H] FRONT POR*
SW+1 WAIT+ =! PAP] &A 3V]S,N4       #I
,I'D PULL UP A ROCK+ *AIR1 & WE'D SIT
& VISIT "UN1? ! %ADE (! MAPLE TREE :
/OOD GU>D OV] ! POR*4
  ,"O "D %E ASK$ ME IF ,I WD "W Z H]
Y>D BOY4 ,%E _H A BIG Y>D1 ALM TWO
ACRES1 : %E WANT$ M[$ )A PU% M[] S9CE
RID+ M[]S DIDN'T D A V GD JOB4 ,%E 0
EMPHATIC AB T &1 S9CE ,I DIDN'T H A
RID+ M[]1 ,I AGRE$ ) H]4
  ,I'D /OP 0E AFN :5 ,I 0 D"O DELIV]+
PAP]S & M[ A SEC;N4 ,E AFN B ,SUN"D1
S9CE ,MRS4 ,H>VEY SD T 0 ! ,SA2A?1 &
IF ! ,"L NE$$ 6RE/ ON ! SEV5? "D1 :O 0
,I 6"W8
  ,X 0 9 ! F\R? YE> ( MY M[+ T ,I
NOTIC$ ! FRONT POR* MAPLE TREE 0 DY+4
,X _H "S YE>S ON X4 ,MR4 & ,MRS4
,H>VEY _H MOV$ "! ! F/ YE> ( _!
M>RIAGE1 =TY YE>S 2F4 ,MR4 ,H>VEY _H
PLANT$ X !N4 8,TW5TY YE>S F N[1 WE'LL
APPRECIATE ?10 HE'D SD AT ! "T4 ,&
TW5TY YE>S LAT] !Y DID APPRECIATE X1
ON A SUMM] EV5+ :5 ! H1T WD LOOS5 XS
GRIP4
  ,B AF =TY YE>S1 ,MR4 ,H>VEY 0 D1D1 &
S 0 ! TREE4 ,& :5 ,I TOLD ,MRS4
,H>VEY1 %E />$ AT ! TREE ! L;GE/ "T &
TOLD H[ %E / REMEMB]$ :AT H] HUSB& 0
WE>+ :5 HE PLANT$ T TREE4 ,!N %E W5T 9
H] H\SE & CALL$ ,K5NY4 ,HE 0 ! MAN 9
\R T[N :O CUT TREES4
  ,HE ROLL$ UP ! NEXT "D 9 8 TRUCK &
GOT "R D[N 6BUSI;S--ANO!R "D1 ANO!R
TREE4 ,MRS4 ,H>VEY 0 WAT*+ F H] FRONT
POR* SW+1 AL;G ) H] NEI<BOR1 :O _H
MADE H] WAY OV] 6(F] -=T4 ,S :5 ! *A9
SAW BIT 96! TREE & ,MRS4 ,H>VEY FL9*$1
H] NEI<BOR TOOK H] H& & LI/5$ :ILE
,MRS4 ,H>VEY TALK$ AB SUMM] EV5+S T 7
SUPPOS$ 6BE B N"E W]E4
  ,ONCE SP5T A :OLE SEME/] /UDY+ !
BOOK ( ,JOB4 ,N"E DID "U/& X UNTIL ,I
R1D X 9 LI<T ( ,MRS4 ,H>VEY4
  ,JOB _H X ALL1 !N ,JOB LO/ X ALL4
,S]VANTS3 MURD]$4 ,W1L?3 /OL54 ,H1L?3
G"O4 ,SONS & DAU<T]S & B\NCE-ON-YR-
KNEE GR&*N3 D1D4 ,JOB SAT ON A PILE (
A%ES1 LA;T+ OV] A LIFE T 0 SUPPOS$
6BE1 B N"E WAS4 ,GOD MADE 8 WAY OV]
6,JOB & SAT ) HM AMID/ ! *>R$      #AA
REMA9S ( 8 LIFE4 ,A T5D] ?+1 GIV5 !
IMM5S;Y (! UNIV]SE &! SMALL;S ( ,JOB4
,B !N ,GOD "KS \R SECRET PA94
  ,:5 ,I 0 9 COLLEGE1 MY PHILOSOPHY
PROFESSOR SP5T AN 5TIRE WEEK TALK+ AB
LOVE4 ,B = ME X 0 N"E CLE>] ?AN ! "D !
TREE W5T CRA%+4

              ,EXPECT,N

  ,0 OV] VISIT+ MY FOLKS "O AUTUMN
MORN+1 & ,RAY /OPP$ 06BORR[ ,DAD'S C>4
,DAD & ,RAY 2CAME FRS :5 ,DAD S]V$ ON
! T[N BO>D & MET ,RAY1 :O "W$ =! SEW]
DE"P;T4 ,RAY'S "O ( ^? EM95TLY USE;L
M5 X PAYS 6"K IF Y NE$ "S?+ D"O--F
GETT+ A RA3OON \ ( YR ATTIC 6NOS+ \ !
MO/ LIKELY SPOTS = MOREL MU%ROOMS
6SETT+ (F ! T[N FIRE"WS ON ! ,F\R? (
,JULY4 ,9 A SPECIALI/ _W1 ,RAY'S A
G5]ALI/1 : 9CL9ES ME 6?9K WELL ( HM4
,! PRO#M TD IS T TOO _M FOLKS "K A LOT
AB A ?+ OR TWO1 B N 5 FOLKS "K A LL AB
A LOT ( ?+S4 ,IF Y DON'T 2LIEVE T1 J
TRY 6F9D A DOCTOR :O'LL M5D YR FEET &
YR NOSE 9 ! SAME VISIT4
  ,RAY />T$ "W+ =! T[N :5 HE GRADUAT$
F HI< S*OOL4 ,COLLEGE 0 \ (! "Q1 X
CO/+ M"OY & ,RAY N HAV+ ANY4 ,9/1D1 HE
M>RI$ 8 HI< S*OOL SWEETHE>T4 ,!Y
SETTL$ 96A SMALL H\SE \TSIDE ( T[N &
SLIPP$ 96! LIFE/YLE ,RAY _H -E F--"W1
RAISE YR KIDS1 HOPE !Y TURN \ "R1 &
PRAY 6,JESUS T ,SOCIAL ,SECUR;Y IS /
>.D :5 Y RETIRE4 ,& E N[ & !N1 LIE
AWAKE AT NI<T FRU/RAT$ T YR KIDS C'T H
! SAME ?+S ! DOCTOR'S *N H4
  ,RAY & 8 WIFE _H A F/-BORN DAU<T] :O
HIT S*OOL L A CYCL"O4 ,MADE /RAI<T
;,A'S1 : />TL$ ! T1*]S1 %E 2+ ,RAY'S
DAU<T]4 ,X WASN'T T ,RAY LACK$
5?USIASM = LE>N+2 HE J WASN'T "O 6LET
S*OOL GET 9 ! WAY ( 8 $UC,N4 ,8 9T]E/S
LAY ELSE":4 ,I'M T WAY MYF4 ,TOOK ME
6EI<? GRADE 6FIGURE \ T ALGEBRA WASN'T
A L9E ( ,PLAYTEX "UG>;TS4
  ,RAY'S DAU<T] KEPT UP H] GRADES4
,\-HU/L$ ! DOCTOR'S KID 62COME ! CLASS
VALEDICTORIAN4 ,B ! HALLS ( ,H>V>D
DON'T OV]FL[ ) SEW]-"W] (FSPR+1    #AC
S %E 0 TRY+ 6GET US$ 6! IDEA (A C>E] 9
FA/ FOOD4 ,!N A COLLEGE 9 ,OHIO1 SC\T+
>.D = SM>T KIDS ) GUMP;N1 (F]$ H] A
FREE $UC,N1 & H] DR1M ( 2+ A
PSY*OLOGI/ DREW CLOS]4 ,S %E W5T
6,OHIO1 & ,RAY1 ^: TRUCK KICKS UP A
FUSS :5 DRIV5 PA/ ! C.TY L9E1 BORR[S
MY DAD'S C> ONCE A MON? 6G VISIT 8
DAU<T]1 ( :OM HE IS FI]CELY PR\D4
  ,"!'S A H1P ( P PULL+ = T "Y LADY4
,LOT ( FOLKS :O /OP ,RAY ON ! /REET
6ASK H[ %E'S DO+4 ,:5 %E W5T 6,OHIO1
%E C>RI$ A PASSEL ( EXPECT,N ) H]4 ,IF
%E FAILS1 ! 5TIRE T[N W LOSE XS W
6LIVE4 ,O!R ?AN T1 ,I DON'T ?9K %E'S
"U M* PRESSURE4
  ,"S P WD CRUM# "U H] H1VY WEI<T (
EXPECT,N4 ,B :AT WD CRU% O!RS SEEMS
ONLY 65LIV5 H]4 ,:AT ,I'M BETT+ IS T
T5 YE>S F N[ %E'LL 2 *>G+ A DOCTOR'S
KID TWO HUNDR$ DOLL>S A SES.N 6HELP
GET 8 H1D ON /RAI<T4 ,HE'LL MOAN AB H[
8 P>5TS EXPECT$ TOO M*1 & %E'LL TELL
HM 6GR[ UP & GET A LIFE--IN A
!RAPEUTIC WAY1 ( C\RSE1 &) APPROPRIATE
S5SITIV;Y4 ,!N ! NEXT "T %E SEES H]
DE> OLD P>5TS1 %E'LL GIVE !M A HUG &
:ISP]1 8,?ANKS = 2LIEV+ 9 ME40
  ,%E'S LE>N+ E>LY ON :AT TAKES MO/ (
U A :OLE LIFE"T 6UNCOV]--T EXPECT,N IS
A B.S+1 N A CURSE4 ,X'S A B1UTI;L ?+
:5 P EXPECT "S?+ DEC5T ( Y4 ,X M1NS
Y'VE GIV5 !M R1SON = 3FID;E4 ,L :5
,JOHN ! ,BAPTI/ 0 BORN & 8 "F SANG A
B1UTI;L S;G AB ALL ! ?+S 8 BOY WD D4
,!N 8 BOY W5T \ & DID !M4
  ,_M A P[];L LIFE HAS XS />T 9
EXPECT,N4

              ,DOC ,FO/]

  ,I ONCE VISIT$ A FR 9 ,NEW ,YORK
,C;Y4 ,WE DROVE >.D ! C;Y1 TAK+ 9 !
SI<TS4 ,X 0 A GR& PLACE &1 ?\< ,I
WDN'T WANT 6LIVE "!1 ,I AM ! RI*] = MY
BRIEF /AY4 ,A MO/ IMPRESSIVE ?+ HAPP5$
! EV5+ ,I SLEPT AT MY FR'S A"P;T4 ,8
WIFE ASK$ HM 6TAKE \ ! G>BAGE4 ,HE
9VIT$ ME 6WAT* HM4 ,HAV+ C>RI$ \ TRA%
MYF1 ,I WASN'T ALL T EXCIT$ AT !   #AE
PROSPECT B W5T AL;G =! SAKE (
POLITE;S4
  ,HE TOOK ! TRA% 6! 5D ( 8 HALLWAY1
OP5$ A LL DOOR1 & DROPP$ ! TRA% IN4
,"! 0 A :OO%+ S.D &! TRA% 0 G"O1 J L
T4 ,HE EXPLA9$ H[ A VACUUM SY/EM SUCK$
UP ALL ! TRA% & C>RI$ X AWAY4
,REM>KA#4
  ,:5 ,I 0 GR[+ UP 9 ,DANVILLE1 \R
TRA%-REMOVAL SY/EM 0 N Z FLA%Y1 B X 0
J Z RELIA#4 ,8 "N 0 ,DOC ,FO/]1 &=A
DOLL> A WEEK HE PULL$ UP AT \R CURB 9
8 PICKUP TRUCK1 CLIMB$ \1 ?REW \R TRA%
9 ! BACK1 & DROVE AWAY4 ,IF WE =GOT
6SET \R TRA% \1 HE'D DRIVE BACK 6\R
B>N & GET X HMF4 ,:5 HE _H A TRUCK
FULL HE'D DRIVE \ 6! T[N DUMP ON ,TW9
,BRIDGES ,ROAD1 UNLOAD1 WET 8 F+]1 &
PUT X 9 ! AIR2 IF ! W9D WASN'T BL[+
T[>D T[N1 HE'D -M;E 6BURN+4
  ,DOC ,FO/] 0 BLACK1 ! ONLY BLACK MAN
9 \R T[N4 ,HE LIV$ J S\? (! LUMB]Y>D
ACR ! RAILROAD TRACKS ALL 0HMF4 ,I
HATE 6?9K 8 SK9 COLOR DICTAT$ ": HE
LIV$1 ?\< ,I SUSPECT X DID1 & AM 6MY
CORE A%AM$ T ! F/ ?+ WE NOTIC$ AB ,DOC
0 8 COLOR4
  ,9 O!R WAYS1 \R T[N ROSE 6SPL5DID
HEI<TS :5 X CAME 6,DOC4 ,ON 8
SEV5TY-SEV5? BIR?"D1 WE HELD A
SURPRISE "PY = HM 9 ! ROTUNDA (!
C\RTH\SE4 ,T _H N"E BE5 D"O 2F1 AT L1/
9 MY MEMORY1 & HASN'T BE5 D"O S9CE4
,EXCEPT :5 ,PRESID5T ,R1GAN CAME 6T[N
& WE _H A BIG CELEBR,N = HM4 ,P]SON,Y1
,I ?9K ,DOC ,FO/] DID A :OLE LOT M =
,DANVILLE ?AN ANY PRESID5T "E DID4
  ,BACK 9 ! #AICJ'S1 DUR+ ! ,DEPRES.N
"DS1 WE _H A T1*]S COLLEGE 9 \R T[N4
,DOC WD (T5 PASS AL;G A LL EXTRA TUI;N
M"OY 6/RU7L+ /UD5TS1 & 9 ? WAY HELP$
SUPPLY \R T[N )A FRE% CROP ( T1*]S4
  ,9 A4I;N 6HAUL+ TRA% & 2+ A FR 6MAN1
,DOC MADE HMF AVAILA# =A :OLE HO/ (
TASKS1 F RAK+ L1VES 6M[+ LAWNS4 ,8
TRUCK BRI/L$ ) BROOMS & RAKES ( ALL
SIZES & %APES4 ,:5 \-(-T[N VISITORS WD
-PLI;T U ON \R T[N'S CL1NLI;S1 WE WD
SWELL ) PRIDE Z IF WE \RVS _H SWEPT UP
! TRA% ! DOGS _H SCATT]$4 ,DOC     #AG
DID :AT ALL GD P D--MADE ! RE/ ( U
LOOK BETT] ?AN WE RE,Y W]E4
  ,DOC ,FO/] DI$ 9 ! W9T] ( #'HI4 ,!
"D (! FUN]AL X 0 SN[+ & N _M P %[$ UP
6PAY _! RESPECTS4 ,MY "F W5T & IS 6? V
"D SA45$ T M FOLKS DIDN'T MAKE _! WAY
"? A LL SN[ 6HONOR A MAN :O N"E LET
F\L W1!R KEEP HM F 8 APPO9T$ R.DS4 ,I
PREF] 6REMEMB] H[ A T[N GA!R$ 9 A
C\RTH\SE ROTUNDA & CELEBRAT$ A MAN'S
3TRIBU;N :ILE HE 0 / ALIVE 65JOY _!
PRAISE4
  ,ON ! BACK WALL AT \R ,QUAK]
MEET+H\SE HANGS A BANN] LI/+ ! FRUIT
(! ,_S--LOVE1 JOY1 P1CE1 PATI;E1
K9D;S1 GD;S1 FAI?;L;S1 G5TLE;S1 &
SELF-3TROL4 ,:5 ,I TRY 6?9K ( :AT T
LOOKS L1 MY M9D RETURNS 6A MAN :O F.D
DIGN;Y 9 HAUL+ TRA% & SWEEP+ GUTT]S4
,:AT A GIFT 8 MEMORY IS 6ME4
  ,I DIDN'T TELL ? 6MY ,NEW ,YORK FR4
,:AT ,I TOLD HM 0 H[ REM>KA# 8
TRA%-COLLEC;N SY/EM 0 & H[ LUCKY HE 0
6H X4 ,?\< ,I KNEW ! F9] B.S+ 0 M9E4

            ,! ,PAP] ,R\TE

  ,IF Y WANT 6LE>N AB LIFE1 Y C G
6COLLEGE & /UDY PSY*OLOGY1 OR Y C TAKE
A PAP] R\TE4 ,I DID ! LATT] :ILE 9 !
F\R? GRADE =! PR9CELY SUM ( SEV5
DOLL>S A WEEK4 ,Z PAP] R\TES G1 M9E 0
SMALL ) ONLY TW5TY-SIX CU/OM]S4 ,MY FR
,BILL ,$DY _H UPW>DS ( EI<TY CU/OM]S &
?REE "TS ! 9COME1 ?\< HE 0 S FRAZZL$1
! L>G] WAGE SEEM$ H>DLY WOR? ! /RU7LE4
,BILL NE$$ ! EXTRA M"OY 6F9.E 8 P9BALL
PLAY+ AT ,DANN]'S ,FIVE & ,DIME4
  ,HAV+ A LIMIT$ CLI5TELE ALL[$ ME
6LE>N ! PECULI>ITIES ( EA*4
  ,MR4 ,WILL>D WANT$ 8 PAP] "U ! BRICK
ON ! FRONT POR* *AIR S ! W9D WDN'T
SCATT] X4 ,HE GOT HOME LATE & DIDN'T
WANT 6H 6*ASE 8 PAP] D[N ,WA%+TON
,/REET4
  ,! LAWY] ,V&IVI] WANT$ ME 6H& ! PAP]
6HIS SECRET>Y ,MISS ,DILL[4 ,%E 0 S
NICE & PRETTY1 ,I DIDN'T M9D A BIT4
,:5 ,I GREW OLD 5 6/>T DAT+ GIRLS1 ,I
-P>$ E "O 6,MISS ,DILL[ B 2CAME    #AI
4C\RAG$ :5 FEW CD MAT* H] *>MS4
  ,MRS4 ,CAP] 0 A WID[ ) TWO 8SL[0 *N4
,%E "W$ Z A WAITRESS AT ! ,C(FEE ,CUP
& ALW _H A H>D "T PAY+ H] BILL4 ,"O "D
,I W5T 6COLLECT & %E _H MOV$ AWAY [+ M
?AN F\R DOLL>S1 M ?AN HALF MY WEEK'S
PAY4 ,T'S :5 ,I LE>N$ T N PAY+ YR
BILLS CAUSES "SBODY "S": H>D%IP4
  ,! ,BLAKES 7 "S (! POORE/ P ON MY
PAP] R\TE4 ,!Y 7 AL ! MO/ G5]\S & WD
(T5 GIVE EXTRAVAGANT TIPS--FIFTY C5TS
& M4 ,!Y DEP5D$ ON TIPS 6GET 0IN _!
JOBS & ?US 7 S5SITIVE 6! "W+ CLASS4 ,I
WD L 6BANI% TIPS ALT & PAY HI<] PRICES
S FOLKS C 5JOY A LIV+ WAGE4 ,X'S T]RI#
6H 6PROVIDE = YR FAMILY )A JOB T
RELIES S H1VILY ^U A FICKLE ?+ L HUMAN
G5]OS;Y4 ,ANY"O :O "WS =TY H\RS A WEEK
%DN'T H 6DEP5D ON TIPS 6FILL _! *N'S
/OMA*S4
  ,MISS ,MYNA ,T[ELLS WANT$ ME 6R+ H]
DOORBELL & H& ! PAP] 6H]1 : ,I WD D4
,%E WD ?ANK ME & CLOSE ! DOOR4 ,E
,*RI/MAS %E TIPP$ PRECISELY "O DOLL>4
,%E P9*$ H] HAIR UP 9 A TI<T1 BLACK
BUN4 ,%E N"E M>RI$1 ?\< ,I KEPT HOP+
"S MAN 9 A R$ 3V]TI# WD _S H] AWAY &
BR+ VIGOR 6H] /ALE LIFE4 ,:5 ,I LAT]
R1D T S+LE P DON'T LIVE Z L;G Z M>RI$
P1 ,I ?"\ ( ,MISS ,T[ELLS & WASN'T
SURPRIS$4
  ,"O ( MY CU/OM]S 0 AN ELD]LY MAN :O
CAME 6! DOOR WE>+ WOM5'S DRESSES4 ,HE
N"E (F]$ AN EXPLAN,N1 & ,I N"E ASK$ =
"O4 ,SMALL T[NS >5'T ALW ! BAS;NS (
3=M;Y WE ?9K !Y >E4
  ,MR4 ,"D 0 A *A9 SMOK] & WD SIT ON 8
POR* 9 A SWIRL ( BLUE SMOKE4 ,Y CD HE>
HM C\< A BLOCK AWAY4 ,HE 0 FIFTY YE>S
OLD :5 ,I />T$ DELIV]+ 8 PAP]4 ,HE
TOLD ME H[ HE 2GAN SMOK+ :5 HE 0
F\RTE5 & H[ X N"E HURT HM4 ,! NEXT YE>
HE CAME D[N ) EMPHYSEMA & TRAD$ 9 8
CIG>ETTES = AN OXYG5 TANK & HOSPITAL
B$4
  ,IF ,I _H _H EI<TY CU/OM]S1 ,I WD
N"E H GOTT5 6"K ALL ^! P & _!
IDIOSYNCRASIES4 ,I WD H BE5 3SIGN$ 6A
BICYCLE1 FL++ PAP]S AT POR*ES Z ,I
:IZZ$ BY4 ,9/1D1 ,I CLIMB$ (F MY   #BA
BIKE & %OOK H&S & LE>N$ (A WID] _W4
  ,X E/ABLI%$ A PATT]N = LIV+ : ,I'VE
TRI$ DILIG5TLY 6MA9TA9--BI7] ISN'T ALW
BETT]1 M M"OY M1NS M WORRIES1 & "K+ P
B1TS "K+ AB !M4

          ,/R1MS 9 ! ,DES]T

  ,W5T OV] 6MY FOLKS' H\SE "O SPR+ "D
6CELEBRATE MY NEPHEW'S F/ BIR?"D4
,TOOK A WALK & SAW P \ "W+ 9 _! Y>DS1
FOLKS ,I _HN'T SE5 = YE>S4 ,I SAW ,MR4
,AMOS ,WELTY D[N ON ! CORN]1 RAK+ UP !
W9T] D1DFALL F 8 Y>D4 ,GETT+ ! PLACE
R1DY = SIX MON?S ( FL[]S1 />T+ )!
CROCUSES & 5D+ )! MUMS4 ,8 CROCUSES 7
UP4 ,I /OPP$ 6LOOK AT !M4 ,HE CAME OV]
6TALK1 : MADE ME N]V\S1 S9CE WE _H "P$
5EMIES TW5TY YE>S 2F4
  ,MR4 ,WELTY _H BE5 A S\R MAN1 A M1N
MAN1 TRU? 2 TOLD4 ,ONCE1 HE EV5 ?REW A
%OVEL AT ME = WALK+ ON 8 GRASS4 ,I
UPP$ ! ANTE ! NEXT "D 0NAIL+ HM )A
WAT] BALLOON4 ,HE 0 PULL+ WE$S1 /OOD
6/RET*1 & ,I CAU<T HM AMID%IPS--,,POW6
  ,HE CALL$ ! T[N POLICE (FIC]1 ,*>LIE
,MORELOCK1 :O PUT \ AN ALL-PO9TS
BULLET9 ON ME4 ,(FIC] ,MORELOCK F.D ME
9 MY FRONT Y>D4 ,HE /OPP$ 8 CRUIS]1
CLIMB$ \1 & WALK$ T[>D ME ) 8 H& ON 8
GUN4 ,HE DREW NE>1 R1*$ \1 LAID 8 H1VY
H& ON MY %\LD]1 LOOK$ ME 9 ! EYE1 &
SD1 8,GD %OT40 ,HE DIDN'T L ,MR4
,WELTY EI4
  ,S ,I _HN'T TALK$ ) ,MR4 ,WELTY S9CE
T "T1 B X 0 ON MY M9D :5 HE WALK$ T[>D
ME T E>LY SPR+ "D4 ,HE EXT5D$ 8 H& &
WE %OOK1 : 4>M$ ME4 ,!N WE TALK$ AB
CROCUSES & O!R H>B+]S ( SPR+4
  ,TW5TY YE>S AGO1 HE 0 CORROD$ )
ANG]2 N[ HE 0 G5TLE;S P]SONIFI$4 ,HE
_H *ANG$4 ,AMOS ,WELTY _H
METAMORPHOS$4 ,I TALK$ ) MY DAD AB X4
,HE SD ,MR4 ,WELTY HAS BE5 NICE "E
S9CE 8 "M DI$4 ,%E 0 ALL HE _H1 !N %E
DI$ & HE 0 AL"O4 ,X O3URR$ 6HM T 9/1D
( ?R[+ %OVELS AT *N1 HE %D 9VITE !M
6HIS POR* = BUB# GUM & COOKIES4 ,N[ 8
Y>D HAS B>E SPOTS ": GRASS ONCE GREW1
B X SEEMS A F> LOVELI] PLACE4      #BC
  ,R1D A BOOK T SD "O'S P]SONAL;Y & "*
>E PRETTY WELL =M$ 0! AGE ( FIVE4 ,0!N
FOLKS C TELL :E!R "S"O W 2 SIPP+
,RIPPLE 9 AN ALLEYWAY OR 9V5T+ A CURE
= C.ER4 ,AT L1/ T'S :AT ! AU?OR ( ?
BOOK SD--GET X "R 9 FIVE YE>S OR />T
SAV+ = BAIL M"OY4
  ,I PIT*$ ! BOOK4 ,F/1 2C ,I DIDN'T
NE$ ! PRESSURE4 ,I H TWO *N &A SPA/IC
COLON1 S ,I ALR DON'T SLEEP NI<TS4 ,B
,I AL PIT*$ X 2C ,I "K TOO _M ,MR4
,WELTYS--FOLKS :O *ANG$ HORSES MIDWAY
ACR LIFE'S /R1M4 ,GOT TIR$ (! NAG (
HATE !Y 7 RID+ & TRAD$ UP 6*>;Y &
GRACE4
  ,! PROPHET ,ISAIAH TALKS AB ,GOD
MAK+ /R1MS 9 ! DES]T4 ,TALKS AB H[
,GOD PUTS ?+S ": !Y'VE N"E BE5 2F1 L
LOVE ": HATE ONCE REIGN$4 ,/R1MS 9 !
DES]T1 ,ISAIAH CALLS X4
  ,I'M "H 6TELL Y ^! /R1MS >E R1L1 =
E>LY "O SPR+1 :5 ! CROCUSES BLOOM$1 ,I
WAD$ 96"O4

         ,MY ,GR&MA1 ! ,SA9T

  ,I WANT 63FESS MY PREJUDICE "R UP
FRONT 0DCLG UNEQUIVOC,Y T MY ,GR&MA
,NORMA 0 ! SWEETE/ LADY :O "E LIV$4 ,I
DIDN'T R1LIZE ? UNTIL %E _H PASS$
AWAY1 : EXPLA9S :Y ,I DROVE 0H] H\SE
"S"TS )\T /OPP+ 6VISIT4
  ,%E 0 PA/ N9ETY :5 %E DI$4 ,/UM#D (F
! BACK POR*1 BROKE H] HIP1 & DI$ F\R
"DS AF ! OP],N T 0 SUPPOS$ 6MAKE H] Z
GD Z NEW4 ,I SUSPECT %E OV]HE>D !
DOCTOR SAY 8NURS+ HOME0 & SIMPLY WILL$
H]F 6DIE4 ,TE*NIC,Y1 H] HE>T GAVE \1 :
MAKES S5SE1 "K+ H[ M* %E US$ X4
  ,GR&MA 0 ! FAMILY ANTIDOTE 6!
BO?-P>5TS-"W+-&-TOO-TIR$-TO-TALK
SYNDROME4 ,S9CE ? ISN'T AN ESSAY AB H[
WE H 6"W S M* 2C WE WANT S M*1 ,I
WON'T DWELL ON T4 ,I'LL ONLY SAY T
,GR&MA DECID$ E>LY ON T 2+ "! = *N 0 M
IMPORTANT ?AN "W+ 6BUY !M /UFF !Y
DIDN'T NE$ 9 ! F/ PLACE4
  ,PSY*IATRI/S H ! C\*1 B ,GR&MA _H !
POR* SW+ &! KIT*5 TA# &A C]TA9 WAY (
LI/5+ Z IF Y 7 ! ONLY "O 9         #BE
,GOD'S _W WOR? HE>+4 ,LOT ( TALK ^!
"DS AB ! =M,N ( SELF-E/EEM & HELP+ *N
FEEL+ VALU$1 B WE WANT ! S*OOLS 6D X4
,I REMEMB] :5 AN H\R ) ,GR&MA LEFT Y
FEEL+ L ROYALTY4
  ,GIV5 H] PROSPECTS1 ,I "U/OOD H]
WANT+ 6CROSS H1V5'S ?RE%OLD4 ,ONLY ?+
IS1 %E /EPP$ OV] 2F WE 7 D"O NE$+ H]4
,I WANT$ MY SONS 6D "S SW+ "T ) H]4
,WANT$ !M 6HE> H[ "! 0 NO "O Q L !M1 &
H[ SPECIAL !Y 7 & H&"S & SM>T4 ,! K9D
( ?+S ,GR&MA TOLD ME4 ,N[ ,I GUESS X
FALLS 6MY MOM4 ,I WOND] IF %E "KS T1
OR IF ,I'LL H 6TELL H]4 ,I SUSPECT %E
"KS1 2+ ,GR&MA'S DAU<T]4
  ,I CALL MY GR&"M A SA9T 2C %E'S !
ONLY P]SON ,I "E MET :O PRAY$ H] ROS>Y
TWICE A "D4 ,^? 7 ! ONLY "TS %E WASN'T
AVAILA# 6U1 :5 %E 0 9 H] B$ROOM LIFT+
UP H] 8,HAIL ,M>YS0 & 8,\R ,"FS40 ,Z A
*1 ,I RES5T$ ! NO;N T TALK+ ) ,GOD 0 M
IMPORTANT ?AN TALK+ ) ME4 ,9
RETROSPECT1 ,I "U/& T "T %E SP5T 9
PRAY] HELP$ H] 2 ALL ! M PRES5T =
O!RS4 ,MAYBE ! R1SON WE DON'T H "T =
"O ANO!R ANYMORE ISN'T 2C WE "W TOO
M*1 B 2C WE PRAY TOO LL4 ,H[ ELSE C
,GOD REORD] \R PRIORITIES8
  ,AT H] FUN]AL1 ! PRIE/ SD X 0 A "D (
CELEBR,N4 ,T'S ! K9D ( ?+ WE M9I/]S
LE>N 6SAY 9 SEM9>Y4 ,& X HOLDS UP
UNTIL "S"O L ,GR&MA DIES1 !N NO AM.T (
H1V5-TALK EASES ! PA94 ,! GRAVEY>D
SEES A HURT ! CLASSROOM N"E "KS4
  ,9 ! ,BI# X TELL U N 6WORRY1 T 9
,GOD'S H\SE >E F.D MAN.NS APL5TY4 ,I
DON'T ?9K ,GR&MA WD L A MAN.N4 ,TOO M*
DU/+4 ,J GIVE H] A POR* SW+ &A * NE$+
LOVE4 ,& ?R[ 9 A BREEZE T BL[S 9 F !
OLD "DS1 :5 AN H\R )A SA9T MADE ALL !
_W "R4

         ,MY ,GR&PA1 ! ,5IGMA

  ,MY GR&PA 0 BORN 9 #AIJD 9 !
,BELGIAN VILLAGE ( ,GOSSELIES4 ,8 "N
IS ,H5RY1 : IS ": ,I GOT MY MI4LE "N4
,P CALL HM ,HANK4 ,"S"TS WE CALL HM
,HANK ! ,CRANK4 ,T'S 2C HE C 2 GR\*Y4
,HE C AL 2 LOV+ & G5TLE4 ,: IS     #BG
:Y ,I CALL HM AN 5IGMA4
  ,GR&PA MOV$ 6,AM]ICA :5 HE 0 A LL
KID4 ,HE & 8 FAMILY CAME "? ,ELLIS
,ISL&4 ,!Y MOV$ 6,WE/ ,VIRG9IA1 & 8 "F
"W$ 9 ! GLASS FACTORIES4 ,GR&PA />T$
S*OOL 9 ,WE/ ,VIRG9IA4 ,L MO/
IMMIGRANT FAMILIES1 ,GR&PA'S FAMILY 0
9T5SELY PR\D4 ,N"E ADMIT Y NE$ HELP )
ANY?+4 ,!Y S5T ,GR&PA 6S*OOL EV5 ?\<
HE CDN'T SP1K A ^W ( ,5GLI%4 ,TD HE
SP1KS Z WELL Z Y OR ,I1 ?\< "S"TS ,I
CAT* A TRACE ( ,GOSSELIES VILLAGE 9 8
VOICE4
  ,GR&PA 0 ! OLDE/ SON 9 8 FAMILY4
,"S"TS 8 P>5TS W]5'T ALL T G5TLE--QK]
)A SWAT ?AN A HUG4 ,:5 HE 0 R1DY 65T]
! SIX? GRADE1 8 "F SD ! BOOKS CO/ TOO
M*4 ,S HE PULL$ ,GR&PA \ ( S*OOL1 TOOK
HM 6! =EMAN D[N AT ! GLASS FACTORY1 &
SIGN$ A PAP] SAY+ ,GR&PA 0 SIXTE54
,GR&PA W5T 6"W FULL"T4 ,HE 0 ?IRTE5
YE>S OLD4 ,HE GAVE 8 PAY*ECKS 6HIS
P>5TS4 ,! WEEK 2F HE & ,GR&MA 7 M>RI$1
8 P>5TS LET HM KEEP 8 PAY*ECK4 ,T'S
:AT FAMILIES F ,GOSSELIES DID BACK !N4
  ,!Y _H ?REE GIRLS4 ,MY "M 0 "O ( !M1
AL;G ) MY ,AUNT ,CA?Y & ,AUNT ,M>Y4
,:5 ,MOM 0 SIX1 %E _H H] TONSILS TAK5
\4 ,GR&PA %[$ UP AT ! HOSPITAL )A
CAT*]'S MITT = H]4 ,HE AL GAVE H] A
,,BB GUN4 ,HE N"E SD S1 B "S"TS ,I ?9K
HE WANT$ A SON4
  ,:5 ,_W ,W> ,,II CAME AL;G1 HE SOLD
! C> & B"\ ALL ! FAMILY BR&-NEW
BICYCLES S9CE GASOL9E 0 H>D 6-E BY4
,MOM HAS A PICTURE ( !M SITT+ ON _!
NEW BIKES4 ,3SID]+ A W> 0 ON1 !Y LOOK$
HAPPY4 ,!Y RODE ! BIKES "EY":--6,"KLES
,M>KET & 6*UR*4 ,GR&PA WALK$ 6"W4 ,HE
/ "W$ AT ! GLASS FACTORY1 J L 8 "F4
  ,:5 HE 0 9 8 E>LY FIFTIES1 ! GLASS
FACTORY CLOS$ D[N4 ,!Y DIDN'T NE$ P
6CUT GLASS ANYMORE1 S9CE MA*9ES CD D
X4 ,GR&PA GOT A JOB "W+ ) AN >*ITECT4
,HE'D TAK5 DRAFT+ CLASSES AT NI<T4 ,HE
DESIGN$ S*OOL A4I;NS4 ,!N HE GOT A JOB
SELL+ S*OOL EQUIP;T & TRAVEL$ ALL OV]
S\!RN ,9DIANA4 ,AF "W+ 9 A FACTORY
S9CE ! AGE ( ?IRTE51 HE 5JOY$ GETT+ \
& MEET+ P4                         #BI
  ,:5 ,I 0 GR[+ UP1 WE'D G VISIT
,GR&PA4 ,! F/ ?+ HE'D SAY :5 HE SAW U
WAS1 8,HELLO1 GD 6SEE Y4 ,:5 Y GO+
HOME80 ,!N HE'D TAKE ME \ 6HIS "W%OP &
T1* ME H[ 6"W ) WOOD4 ,:5"E ,I MADE A
MISTAKE1 HE'D GET IMPATI5T & TAKE !
TOOL AWAY4 ,B :5 WE W5T BACK 9 ! H\SE
HE'D TELL ,MOM & ,DAD ,I DID J F9E4
  ,AF SIXTY-SEV5 YE>S ( M>RIAGE1
,GR&MA DI$4 ,GR&PA LIVES )A LL DOG "ND
,BABE4 ,BABE / GOES 6,GR&MA'S B$ROOM E
MORN+ 6SEE IF %E'S -E HOME F :]"E X IS
%E W5T4 ,I G VISIT ,GR&PA1 B N Z (T5 Z
,I'D L4 ,! LA/ "T ,I W5T1 HE TOOK ME \
6HIS "W%OP 6%[ ME 8 NEW TA# SAW4 ,HE
TOLD ME X'LL LA/ T5 OR FIFTE5 YE>S4
,HE'S N9ETY-"O4 ,I HOPE X GOES 2F HE
DOES4

          ,RUBY &! ,RA9 ,CR[

  ,MY "M-IN-LAW1 ,RUBY ,APPLE1 LIVES
ON A F>M 9 S\!RN ,9DIANA4 ,%E'S LIV$
"! S9CE 2F ,_W ,W> ,,II1 9 A H\SE ^:
TWO FRONT ROOMS US$ 6BE A GRA9 CRIB4
,A MAN )A TRACTOR PULL$ ! GRA9 CRIB
OV] F ,GR&PA ,L9US' HOME PLACE4 ,%E &
H] HUSB&1 ,H[>D1 B"\ "S DAIRY C[S &
*ICK5S & SOLD MILK & E7S 6! DAIRY4
,RUBY REMEMB]S LY+ 9 B$ AT NI<T &
LI/5+ 6! E7S CRACK AF H] WOOD /OVE LO/
XS BATTLE )! W9T] COLD4
  ,RUBY & ,H[>D _H ?REE BOYS1 WAIT$
ELEV5 YE>S1 !N _H TWO GIRLS4 ,H[>D US$
6SAY !Y 7 ! BE/ CROP !Y "E RAIS$4 ,!
BOYS W5T 6A "O-ROOM S*OOL4 ,POOR1
4ADVANTAG$ ?+S4 ,NO SWIMM+ POOL DUR+
GYM CLASS1 NO T1*] FRETT+ OV] _!
SELF-E/EEM4 ,N "K+ ANY BETT]1 ! BOYS
W5T (F 6COLLEGE1 GOT DEGREES1 & MADE
"S?+ ( !MVS4 ,!N DANG$ IF ^? TWO GIRLS
DIDN'T G & D ! SAME4
  ,RUBY & ,H[>D _H A /RAI<T=W>D P>5T+
PHILOSOPHY--H>D "W1 GD FOOD1 LOTS (
LOVE1 & *UR* ON ,SUN"DS4 ,!Y AL _H !
GD S5SE 6LIVE 2Y ! RANGE ( MO/
TELEVI.N /,NS1 S ! RECEP;N 0 PITI;L4
,!Y WAT*$ .,HEE .,HAW ON ,SATUR"D
NI<TS1 B ,GR&PA ,J"OS 0 ALW UPSIDE D[N
& GRE54 ,A LL ( T W5T A L;G WAY4   #CA
  ,H[>D DI$ 9 #AIGE4 ,RUBY SOLD (F !
F>M EQUIP;T1 LE>N$ 6DRIVE1 & TOOK A
JOB 9 T[N C>+ = AN OLD MAN & 8 WIFE4
,! GIRLS W5T 6COLLEGE1 GOT M>RI$1 &
/>T$ FAMILIES ( _! [N4 ,N"O (! KIDS
WANTS 6LIVE "!1 S :5 ,RUBY DIES1 "O
HUNDR$ & FIFTY YE>S ( ,APPLES LIV+ ON
T OLD GRAVEL ROAD W -E 65D4 ,I TRY N
6?9K AB T4
  ,I G D[N 6VISIT ,RUBY E N[ & AG4 ,WE
GET 9 ! C> & DRIVE D[N T[>D ! OLD
,GRIMES' PLACE & PA/ ! ,ROSCOE ,B5NET
F>M4 ,WE /OP AT ! ,APPLE ,*APEL
GRAVEY>D ": ^? "O HUNDR$ & FIFTY YE>S'
WOR? ( ,APPLES >E BURI$4 ,RUBY "KS !
/ORY ( EA* "O4 ,:5 %E DIES1 T W -E 6AN
5D TOO4
  ,"O "D ,I 0 VISIT+1 & ,RUBY CALL$ ME
6! W9D[4
  8,LI/5 6T10 %E SD4 ,I LI/5$ & HE>D A
BIRD GIVE FIVE %ORT 8:OOO'S40
  8,:AT IS X80 ,I ASK$4
  8,A RA9 CR[10 %E SD4 8,Y HE> !M 2F A
BIG RA94 ,I'VE N"E SE5 "O1 B ,I'VE
HE>D !M PL5TY ( "TS40
  ,T 0 A NEW "O ON ME1 B ,I WASN'T AB
6>GUE ) ,RUBY4 ,IF %E SAYS "! >E BIRDS
T CALL \ FIVE 8:OOO'S0 2F A BIG RA91
BIRDS %E'S N"E LAID EYES ON1 ! SM>T
M"OY IS ON ,RUBY4 ,X RA9$ TWO H\RS
LAT]4
  ,! ,GOSPEL ( ,JOHN TELLS AB !
RESURRECT$ ,JESUS VISIT+ ! 4CIPLES1 &
,?OMAS N 2LIEV+ X 0 ,JESUS UNTIL HE
T\*$ ! W.DS4 ,JOHN TELLS H[ ,JESUS SD1
8,B.S$ >E ^? :O H N SE5 & YET 2LIEVE0
7,JOHN #BJ3BI74 ,A LOT ( SM>T P SAY
,JOHN WROTE AT A "T :5 ! FOLKS :O _H
"KN ,JESUS 7 D1D & G"O4 ,S ,JOHN TOLD
? /ORY 6REASSURE E>LY ,*RI/IANS T Y C
2LIEVE 9 "S?+ Y'VE N"E SE54 ,K9D ( L
,RUBY 2LIEVES 9 ! RA9 CR[S4
  ,WE'RE ALL ,MISS\RIANS AT HE>T1
9CL9$ T[>D ! 8%[-ME60 ,EXCEPT E N[ &
!N WE BUMP 96,JESUS & RA9 CR[S1 ":
SEE+ DOESN'T -E EASY4 ,!N ! ONLY ?+ 6D
IS LI/5 =! /1 SMALL VOICE &! FIVE %ORT
8:OOO'S0 6"K "!'S SUB/.E 2Y ! SEE+4
  ,"S"TS ! MO/ R1L ?+S >E ! ?+S WE _C
SEE4                               #CC

          ,MY ,FR ,JIM & ,:Y
           ,I ,DON'T ,L ,HM

  ,MY FR ,JIM IS A M9I/]4 ,HE WE>S A
BIG CROSS4 ,HE GIVES A WAD ( M"OY AWAY
E YE>4 ,HE IS DEV\T4 ,HE IS SM>T4 ,8
*N >E GIFT$1 & 8 WIFE M[S ! LAWN4
,NATUR,Y1 ,I DESPISE HM4
  ,ONCE HE W5T ON A TRIP 6,HONDURAS4
8,A MIS.N TRIP10 HE TOLD ME1 86M9I/]
6! POOR40 ,X 0 ! MI4LE ( W9T]1 (
C\RSE1 :5 ,GOD R\T9ELY CALLS U 6M9I/]
9 ! TROPICS4
  ,HE NE$$ "W BOOTS =! TRIP1 S ,I L5T
HM A PAIR ( M9E4 ,I H TWO PAIRS (
BOOTS--MY MOTORCYCLE BOOTS & MY
SN[-%OVEL+ BOOTS4 ,MY MOTORCYCLE BOOTS
>E ! ,JOHN ,WAYNES ( FOOTWE>4 ,I PULL
^? BABIES ON1 & SMALL *N C[] 2H _!
"MS' SKIRTS4 ,NO "O1 ,I REP1T1 NO "O
WE>S !M B ME4 ,MY SN[-%OVEL+ BOOTS >E
"P (! ,W>D ,CL1V] COLLEC;N4 ,?ANK;LLY1
,I HAV5'T _H 6WE> !M S9CE 3V9C+ MY
WIFE T %OVEL+ SN[ ACTU,Y MELTS FAT F !
HIPS & ?I<S4 ,JIM GOT ^?4
  ,I DROVE ,JIM 6! AIRPORT4 ,HE _H N"E
FL[N 2F & 0 N]V\S1 S ,I -=T$ HM 0PO9T+
\ T D1? 0AIRPLANE CRA%1 ?\< 9CR1S+LY
-MON1 IS VIRTU,Y PA9.S4
  ,JIM 0 G"O = ?REE WEEKS4 ,HE CALL$
ON ! PH"O :5 HE GOT BACK HOME4 8,I H
GD NEWS & BAD NEWS10 HE SD4 8,! BAD
NEWS IS T ! AIRL9E LO/ ALL MY LU7AGE1
9CLUD+ YR BOOTS4 ,! GD NEWS IS T !
AIRL9E SAYS !Y'RE SURE 6F9D "EY?+40
,!Y / CALL HM E WEEK 6REPORT ON _!
PROGRESS4 ,NATUR,Y1 ,JIM & ,I REMA9
3FID5T T ! AIRL9E W PURSUE ? MATT] )!
SAME ?OR\< E6ICI5CY WE'VE -E 6EXPECT F
!M4
  ,"! >E LOSSES1 & "! >E LOSSES4 ,:5"E
,I SEE ,JIM1 ,I REM9ISCE AL\D AB ! BE/
PAIR ( BOOTS ,I'D "E _H1 B ! TRU? IS1
,I HAV5'T MISS$ !M AT ALL4 ,I LO/ !M1
B !Y 7 N A LOSS4 ,B MY GR&"M ,NORMA
DI$ "R 2F T1 & X 0 AN UPP]CUT 6! HE>T4
,X FELT L A ?IEF BROKE 9 & /OLE !
FAMILY QUILT & RIPP$ \ ! C5T] PIECES4
,S "! >E LOSSES1 !N "! >E          #CE
LOSSES4
  ,ONCE HE>D A PSY*OLOGI/ TALK+ AB
LOSS4 ,%E SD MO/ FOLKS %E C\NSELS >E
FOLKS :O SU6]$ LOSS--LOSS (A LOV$ "O1
LOSS ( 9NOC;E1 LOSS ( TRU/--2F !Y 7
CAPA# ( D1L+ ) X4 ,"S"TS WE LOSE ?+S
2F WE'RE D"O NE$+ !M4
  ,/ORY 9 ! ,BI# TELLS AB A MAN :O LO/
A PRODIGAL SON4 ,! O!R SIDE ( T /ORY 0
AB A SON :O LO/ A "F4 ,!N X HIT HM T
MAYBE 8 "F WASN'T LO/ 6HM AF ALL1 & HE
SWALL[$ PRIDE & H1D$ = HOME4
  ,MY FR ,JIM SAYS PRIDE C CAUSE U
6LOSE A LOT ( ?+S1 L P]SPECTIVE & FAI?
& -PAS.N4 ,HE'S "R1 ( C\RSE1 L HE IS
AB MO/ ?+S1 :1 IF Y M/ "K1 IS :Y ,I
DON'T L HM4 ,B ,I'M "W+ ON X4

                 ,TIM

  ,I MET ,TIM 9 ! SECOND GRADE4 ,WE
SAT TGR 9 ,MRS4 ,WORREL'S CLASS4 ,WE
2CAME FRS :5 WE 4COV]$ NO O!R GR\P WD
H U4 ,WE W]5'T A?LETIC 5 6BE JOCKS4 ,!
GIRLS DIDN'T L U 2C WE LOOK$ FUNNY4
,EV5 ! ,SC\TS1 :O _H TAK5 A SOLEMN OA?
6BE K9D & *>ITA#1 /E]$ CLE> ( U4
  ,TIM LIV$ ON A F>M4 ,I LIV$ 9 T[N4
,:5 WE HIT F\R? GRADE1 \R P>5TS LET U
RIDE \R BIKES BACK & =? 6EA* O!R'S
H\SES4 ,\R SOCIAL LIFE 9CR1S$
EXPON5TI,Y4 ,ON ,FRI"DS1 ,TIM WD RIDE
9 6MY H\SE 6SP5D ! NI<T4 ,WE'D G 6!
MOVIES UP AT ! ,ROYAL ,RATHOLE4 ,!
JOCKS WD SIT NE> ! BACK & NECK )!
GIRLS1 & WE'D SIT 2H !M & MAKE KISS+
NOISES4
  ,ON ,SATUR"DS1 ,I'D RIDE MY ,S*W9N
,V>S;Y \ 6,TIM'S4 ,WE'D /AY UP LATE
6WAT* ..,PLANET (! .,APES4 ,8 MOM 0 A
NI<T-%IFT NURSE AT ! C.TY HOSPITAL4
,%E'D BR+ U A TRAY ( ,COKES & ,PR+LES1
GIVE U BO? A GD NI<T KISS1 & H1D 96"W4
,%E 0 R1L NICE4 ,A LOT ( "MS DON'T L
HAV+ EXTRA KIDS >.D1 B %E N"E SEEM$
6M9D4 ,I ALW FELT WELCOME4 ,I'M GO+
6TRY & REMEMB] T :5 MY BOYS />T BR++
_! FRS HOME4
  ,:5 WE 7 9 ! EI<? GRADE1 ,I 9VIT$ A
GIRL "ND ,AMY 6! SPR+ D.E4 ,TIM    #CG
CAME AL;G4 ,WE WORE PLAID LEISURE
SUITS & DRANK A LOT ( PUN*4 ,AMY SP5T
MO/ ( H] "T 9 ! BA?ROOM4
  ,!N WE W5T 6HI< S*OOL4 ,WE TOOK ALL
! SAME CLASSES S WE CD 2 TGR4 ,WE 7
BO? GIRL CRAZY4 ,UN=TUNATELY1 \R
FEEL+S W]5'T RECIPROCAT$4 ,! PRETTIE/
GIRL 9 S*OOL 0 "ND ,LAURA4 ,%E 0 A
*E]L1D]1 & ,TIM LOV$ H]4 ,%E 0 A FR (
MY BRO!R'S1 :O 0 A JOCK1 S ,I ASK$ H]
= H] PICTURE4 ,%E SIGN$ X 86"S"O ,I
RE,Y ADMIRE40 ,I ?9K X'S 2C %E DIDN'T
REMEMB] MY "N4 ,I SOLD X 6,TIM = TWO
BUCKS4 ,FR%IP _H XS LIMITS4
  ,:5 WE GRADUAT$ F HI< S*OOL1 WE GOT
JOBS4 ,I "W$ 9 AN (FICE = AN ELECTRIC
UTIL;Y4 ,TIM 0 A ME*ANIC AT ,LOGAN'S
,MOBIL4 ,I'D /OP 0E MORN+ ON MY WAY
6"W =A DOLL>'S WOR? ( GAS & 3V]S,N4
,!N AT NI<T WE'D GET 9 8 C> & DRIVE
6,MC,DONALD'S 9 ! NEXT T[N OV]4
  ,FLU% ) M"OY F \R JOBS1 WE DECID$
6BUY MOTORCYCLES4 ,TIM B"\ "O T _H A
CU/OM PA9T JOB4 ,X DIDN'T RUN WELL1 B
X LOOK$ GD4 ,WE'D RIDE E ,SUN"D AFN &
MO/ NI<TS4 ,A LOT ( "TS WE'D 5D UP AT
! ,DAIRY ,QUE51 ": WE'D SIT ON \R
BIKES & TALK AB /UFF T DOESN'T SEEM
TOO IMPORTANT N[1 B 0 9CR$IBLY S !N4
  ,"O NI<T1 AB TWO O'C1 ,I GOT A PH"O
CALL F ! %]IFF'S *APLA91 ,JOE ,/UMP4
,HE TOLD ME MY BE/ FR S9CE ,MRS4
,WORREL'S SECOND GRADE CLASS _H BE5
HIT 0A DRUNK5 DRIV] & 0 D1D4 ,!Y 7
AFRAID ,I _H BE5 HIT TOO1 S !Y 7 CALL+
6*ECK ON ME4
  ,TIM'S FUN]AL 0 ?REE "DS LAT]4 ,I 0
A PALLBE>] & SAT 9 ! FRONT R[4 ,8
P>5TS SAT ACR F ME4 ,8 "M 0 A KNOT (
GRIEF2 8 DAD 0 B5T & WEI<$4 ,WE BURI$
HM AT ! ,S\? ,CEMET]Y4 ,ALL ,I REMEMB]
N[ IS ! CRY+4
  ,"! >E A LOT ( ?+S AB ,TIM ,I'VE
=GOTT54 ,I D REMEMB] T HE LIK$ ..,!
,DUKES ( .,HAZZ>D & T HE 0 TAK+ A
CORRESPOND;E C\RSE ON H[ 6BE A DIESEL
ME*ANIC4 ,I REMEMB] 8 LAU<4 ,& ,I
REMEMB] T 9 ! F\RTE5 YE>S ( \R FR%IP1
,I N"E ONCE HE>D HM RIDICULE ANY"O4
  ,:5 ,TIM DI$1 A LOT ( P TOOK X   #CI
^U !MVS 6EXPLA9 6ME :Y X HAPP5$4 ,I WD
LI/5 & SMILE & NOD MY H1D1 MO/LY S
!Y'D G AWAY & L1VE ME AL"O4
  ,"! >E "S ?+S AB ? LIFE ,I'LL N"E
"U/&4 ,"O ( !M IS :Y A DRUNK5 DRIV]
DIES ( OLD AGE :5 A N"E-HURT-A-FLEA "Y
MAN B>ELY SEES TW5TY4 ,"S"D1 ,I'M GO+
6SEE ,GOD FACE 6FACE4 ,& :5 ,I D1 ,I'M
GO+ 6ASK HM :Y T IS4

           ,! ,WIZ>D ( ,IS

  ,:5 MY WIFE & ,I F/ M>RI$1 WE TOOK A
BIG CAMP+ TRIP E SUMM]4 ,WE /AV$ \
CAMP+ 9 A LL T5T1 : "W$ F9E1 UNTIL "O
TRIP X RA9$ FIVE /RAI<T "DS & WE W5T
/IR CRAZY4 ,WE SAV$ \R M"OY & B"\ A
BI7] T5T4 ,X _H TWO ROOMS1 & WE 5JOY$
! EXTRA SPACE4 ,!N WE LOAN$ X 6MY
SI/]4 ,%E PACK$ X AWAY WET1 ! S1MS
ROTT$1 &! T5T FELL A"P4 ,MY SI/] DOES
?+S L ?1 & "! ISN'T M* T C 2 D"O AB
X--O!R ?AN 6REM9D H] ( X :5"E WE NE$
"S"O 6WAT* ! KIDS4
  ,CAMP+ IS A HOLDOV] F MY GR[+ UP
"DS4 ,"! 7 FIVE KIDS 9 MY FAMILY1 &
CAMP+ 0 ! ONLY VAC,N ,MOM & ,DAD CD
AF=D4 ,_H WE BE5 A# 6AF=D O!R K9DS (
VAC,NS1 WE KIDS / WD H *OS5 CAMP+1 X
2+ HI< ADV5TURE4
  ,"S"O ONCE TOLD ME T WE DON'T
REMEMB] "DS1 WE REMEMB] MO;TS4 ,:AT ,I
RECOLLECT >E MO;TS G"O B TR1SUR$4 ,I'M
SIX YE>S OLD1 CAMP+ ) MY FAMILY & ,I
CAT* MY F/ FI% ON A ,ZEBCO ROD & REEL4
,DAD TAKES A PICTURE1 : IS UNE>!D
TW5TY-FIVE YE>S LAT] ON A ,?ANKSGIV+
AFN :5 MY BRO!R ,DAVID HAULS !
PICTURE-BOX D[N F ! ATTIC4 ,MY
?REE-YE>-OLD CLIMBS ON MY LAP 6LOOK4
,I RUB 8 H1D & WOND] :AT HE'LL REMEMB]
?IRTY ,?ANKSGIV+S F N[4
  ,WE TAKE \R SON ,SP;ER CAMP+4 ,X IS
! SUMM] ( 8 SECOND YE>4 ,NEXT 6!
BA?-H\SE1 "!'S A YELL[ SLIDE T HE'S
="E CLIMB+ UP & GLID+ D[N4 ,I WOND] IF
HE'LL REMEMB] H[ ,I CAU<T HM AT !
BOTTOM & :IRL$ HM 9 ! AIR4 ,H[ ONCE ,I
MISS$ & HE TUM#D 9 ! DU/4 ,H[ T NI<T
HE FELL ASLEEP ON ,MOMMY'S LAP     #DA
0! CAMPFIRE & WOKE UP 9 ! MORN+ /ICKY
) M>%MALL[4
  ,"S"TS ,I MAKE ! MISTAKE ( NE$+
"EY?+ 6BE A MEMORY1 ( /RA9+ 6MAKE E
MO;T A SNAP%OT4 ,GO+ "? LIFE )A CAM]A
6! EYE1 WANT+ ! _W 6FALL 9 /EP ) MY
EXPECT,NS4 ,I =GET T AL;G )! M>%MALL[S
-E ! MOSQUITOES1 & T NO AM.T ( WI%+
O!RWISE *ANGES T4 ,LIFE ISN'T ONLY AB
! 8%D BE10 ! MO;TS G"O B TR1SUR$2 X'S
AL AB ! 8IS10 ! TUM#S &! BUGS4
  ,I LIVE 9 ? /RU7LE 2T MY? & R1L;Y1
2T 8%D BE0 & 8IS40 ,W5T CAMP+ ONCE )A
FR & TRI$ 6PIT* MY T5T ON GRANITE
GR.D4 ,SP5T A HALF H\R P.D+ 9 PLA/IC
/AKES4 ,MY FR SD1 8,PHIL1 "S"TS Y J H
6PIT* YR T5T "S": ELSE40 ,? WE CALL
FLEXIBIL;Y2 IF WE'RE B.S$1 WE LE>N X
E>LY4 ,IF WE DON'T1 LIFE IS
IMM1SURABLY M DI6ICULT ?AN X NE$S 6BE4
  ,? IS ! B.S+ ( *N4 ,= ALL !
DI6ICULTIES !Y BR+ U1 !Y BR+ _! GIFTS1
TOO4 ,I'VE LE>N$ M PATI;E 9 TWO YE>S )
MY SON ?AN 9 ?IRTY YE>S ON MY [N4
  ,SP;ER1 MY SON1 CURES ME ( MY FEV]$
P.D+2 ? /URDY BOY-MAN S UNV]S$ 9 8"\S0
& 8%DS40 ,9 TRU?1 HE IS ! RESID5T
,WIZ>D ( ,IS1 GIV+ ME A HE>T = LIFE ON
R1L;Y'S ROAD4 ,LIFE ON ? ROAD IS LIFE
9 ! SL[ LANE1 A PACE 2Y MY FEV]$ P.D+4
  ,F MY LL WIZ>D ,I LE>N 6LIVE ! 8IS0
& L1VE ! 8%D BE0 6,GOD4

            ,HE>? & ,HOME

  ,I H A FR :O'S ALL ! "T G"O4 ,CANADA
"O MON?1 ,FLORIDA ! NEXT4 ,ALW TALK+
AB ": HE'S BE5 & ": HE'S H1D$4 ,HE'S A
F9E MAN1 ?\< HE MAKES ME WOND] :Y /AY+
HOME HAS S* L[ APP1L4
  ,I'M A 3FIRM$ HOMEBODY4 ,:5 ,I'M
G"O1 ,I CALL HOME TWICE A "D 6/AY
ABR1/ ( ?+S4 ,FLORIDA IS F9E1 B HOME
IS BETT]4 ,HOME IS ": MY *N >E4 ,X'S
": ,I PLANT$ ! IVY T'S NEXT 6! LILAC
BU% T'S NEXT 6! POR* SW+4 ,: IS 7 WE
SIT 9 ! EV5+ :5 ! %AD[S >E L;G4
  ,HOME IS ": MY WIFE IS1 :O GETS UP A
HALF-H\R 2F ,I D 6MAKE BR1KFA/4 ,N 2C
%E'S MY WIFE & HAS TO1 B 2C %E'S   #DC
A LOV+ P]SON & %E WANTS TO4
  ,HOME IS ": ,I WAT* MY BOYS E AFN :5
MY WIFE GOES (F 6"W 6ANALYZE SY/EMS1 A
4T9CTLY TW5TIE? C5TURY JOB ,I "K NO?+
AB4 ,HOME IS ": ,I PUT MY BOYS D[N =A
NAP1 :ILE ,I CL1N UP ! LUN* DI%ES4
,X'S ": MY SONS BUILD ,LEGO CA/LES &
GA!R P9E C"OS4
  ,HOME IS ": ,I'VE LE>N$ PATI;E1 :AT
LL ,I H4 ,& LOVE4 ,& J AB "EY?+ ELSE
WOR? "K+4 ,I'VE 9CLUD$ A FEW /ORIES AB
MY *UR* FAMILY1 TOO4 ,QUAK]S DON'T
ORD9>ILY USE ! T]MS 8BRO!R0 & 8SI/]10
?\< IF WE DID1 ^! WD 2 ! FOLKS ,I'D H
9 M9D4

      ,:Y ,MY ,WIFE ,B"\ ,H&CU6S

  ,:5 ,I 0 TW5TY-?REE YE>S OLD1 ,I
MADE ! BE/ DECI.N ( MY LIFE4 ,I ASK$ A
B1UTI;L1 WITTY WOMAN 6BE MY WIFE1 & %E
A3EPT$1 AG/ ! ADVICE ( H] FRS1 H]
FAMILY1 &A GDLY POR;N (! ,WE/]N _W4
,ON \R W$D+ "D1 ! BRIDESMAIDS WORE
BLACK4
  ,= EI<T YE>S1 ,I 0 ! MODEL (
RESPONSIBIL;Y4 ,I "W$ H>D4 ,I DRI$ !
DI%ES4 ,I L[]$ ! TOILET S1T4 ,!N MY
WIFE 2CAME PREGNANT4 ,I ATT5D$ BIR?+
CLASSES & LE>N$ 6-MIS]ATE4 ,:5 WE BR"\
,SP;ER HOME1 ,I ROSE ) H] 6FE$ HM4 ,&
:5 HE REGURGITAT$ ON ME1 ,I BORE X )
GD HUMOR4
  ,?REE MON?S AF 8 BIR?1 ,JOAN RETURN$
6"P-"T "W4 ,ON ! MORN+ ( H] DE"PURE1
%E CAU;N$ ME 6KEEP A CLOSE EYE ON \R
SON4 ,MY FEEL+S 7 HURT1 & ,I SD Z M*4
  8,PL1SE1 H"OY1 HAV5'T ,I PROV5 MYF
RELIA#80 ,?US1 ,I C ONLY ?9K X 0 ! PA9
( MISTRU/ : CAUS$ ME 6=GET MY SON :5
,I W5T 6! GROC]Y /ORE T AFN4
  ,I 0 ON MY WAY "! & TURN$ >.D 6SEE
HM4 ,HE 0 MISS+6 ,I RAC$ HOME & F.D HM
9 8 CRIB1 GL[]+1 & ,I KNEW :AT HE 0
GO+ 6SAY :5 HE LE>N$ 6TALK4 ,S ,I
3FESS$ 6,JOAN MYF1 OV] A C&LE-LIT D9N]
&A NEW SILV] BRACELET4
  ,2+ A ,*RI/IAN WOMAN1 ,JOAN =GAVE ME
& (F]$ ME ANO!R *.E4 ,&! V NEXT MORN+1
AF %E H&CU6$ ,SP;ER 6ME1 %E SD1    #DE
8,H"OY1 ,I TRU/ Y40
  ,REFLEC;N ON ? EXP]I;E HAS TAU<T ME
TWO ?+S3 ,F/1 HAV+ *N CAUSES IRREP>A#
DAMAGE 6^? >1S (! BRA9 HAV+ 6D )
MEMORY2 & SECOND1 UH1 :AT'S ! SECOND
PO9T8 ,OH1 Y1H1 ! SECOND PO9T IS ?3
,WE ALL FEEL =GOTT5 "S"TS4
  ,ACTU,Y1 ,I'D LE>N$ T SECOND LESSON
AT AN E>LY AGE4 ,MY FAMILY DROVE (F &
=GOT ME ONCE1 TOO4 ,WE 7 ON VAC,N--
FIVE KIDS1 ,MOM1 & ,DAD--& /OPP$ 6EAT
AT A ,/UCKEY'S4 ,I 0 9 ! BA?ROOM :5 !Y
CLIMB$ BACK 9 ! C> & H1D$ \4 ,!Y W5T
TW5TY MILES 2F 4COV]+ !Y 7 %ORT A KID4
,TOOK A QK VOTE & DECID$ 6-E BACK =
ME4 ,X 0 ALM A TIE1 B AT ! LA/ M9UTE
,MOM *ANG$ H] M9D4
  ,S "S"TS EA* ( U FEELS =GOTT54
,SA4E/ L9E 9 ! ,BI# IS :5 ,*RI/ ASKS
,GOD :Y HE =SOOK HM4 ,IF ,*RI/ FELT
LEFT 2H1 H[ !N C WE AVOID FEEL+ =GOTT5
& =SAK58
  ,"S ,BI# S*OL>S SAY T ISN'T :AT
,JESUS M1NT :5 HE CRI$ F ! CROSS4 ,!Y
SAY HE 0 QUOT+ ! F/ L9E ( ,PSALM #BB1
2C 6QUOTE ! F/ L9E 0 6A6IRM T PSALM'S
VICTORI\S 3CLU.N4 ,I H A GRT D1L (
RESPECT = ,BI# S*OL>S1 B !Y'RE FULL (
BALONEY ON ? "O4 ,I ?9K ,JESUS FELT
=GOTT54
  ,H["E1 ! EMPTY TOMB TELLS U HE 0
REMEMB]$4 ,& S >E WE ALL1 : IS :AT
,I'M GO+ 6TELL MY SON1 J Z SOON Z ,I
REMEMB] ": ,I LEFT HM4

           ,FAMILY ,VAC,NS

  ,:5 \R SON ,SP;ER 0 SIX WEEKS OLD1
,I SD 6MY WIFE1 8,X'S "T =A VAC,N40
  8,N A GD IDEA10 %E CAU;N$4 ,B %E W5T
AL;G 2C %E 2LIEVES 9 LETT+ ME LE>N F
MY MISTAKES4
  ,WE W5T 6A LODGE F\R H\RS AWAY4
,SP;ER SLEPT ! :OLE WAY "!4 ,I 0
GLOAT+4 ,*ECK$ IN4 ,W5T 6\R ROOM4 ,I 0
GLOAT+ "S M4 ,HAV+ KIDS IS A BREEZE4
,"MS >E S* AL>MI/S4
  ,!N ,SP;ER WOKE UP4
  ,9 ! BOOK ( ,REVEL,N1 ,JOHN WRITES
AB ! SEV5 PLAGUES ( DIV9E WRA?1    #DG
RANG+ F BODILY SORES 6E>?QUAKES4 ,JOHN
MISS$ A PLAGUE3 CRY+ KIDS4 ,SP;ER
/OPP$ CRY+ L;G 5 = U 6EAT D9N]4
,GR&"M-TYPES LOOK$ AT U & SMIL$4 ,2F
,I _H A *1 ,I ?"\ !Y SMIL$ 2C !Y LIK$
*N4 ,I N[ "U/& T !Y SMILE 2C _! *N >E
GR[N4
  ,WE W5T BACK 6\R ROOM & W5T 6B$4
,SP;ER CRI$ ALL NI<T4 ,! NEXT MORN+ AT
BR1KFA/ WE TRI$ 6SLIP \ (! RE/AURANT
)\T HM1 B ! MANAG] BLOCK$ \R ESCAPE4
,M>Y & ,JOSEPH ONCE LEFT ,JESUS 2H :5
!Y 7 ON AN \-(-T[N TRIP1 TOO4 ,K9D (
MAKES Y WOND]1 DOESN'T X8
  ,:AT HAPP5$ ON ! WAY HOME C ONLY 2
ATTRIBUT$ 6SLEEP DEPRIV,N4 ,9 AN EF=T
6SALVAGE \R F/ FAMILY VAC,N1 ,I DROVE
HOME ON A DESIGNAT$ SC5IC R\TE4 ,!
/ATE CALLS !M 8SC5IC R\TES0 2C X C'T
SQUEEZE 8TWI/Y-ROAD-T-A4S-?REE-H\RS-
TO-YR-TRIP-&-MAKES-YR-KID-C>SICK R\TE0
ON "O SIGN4
  ,! NEXT YE> AT VAC,N "T1 HAV+ =GOTT5
\R PREVI\S VAC,N1 WE DROVE 6A LODGE
EI<T H\RS AWAY4 ,SP;ER DIDN'T CRY
ONCE4 ,HE SLEPT S.D.SLY E NI<T4 ,HE
RODE 9 8 C> S1T )\T -PLA9T4 ,WE DIDN'T
HE> A PEEP F HM1 B !N E>PLUGS H T
E6ECT4
  ,T FAMILY VAC,NS DON'T TURN \ Z WE'D
HOP$ C ONLY 2 BLAM$ ON TELEVI.N & XS
9A3URATE PORTRAYAL ( FAMILY LIFE4 ,I
REMEMB] A .,BRADY .,BUN* EPISODE :5 !
,BRADYS TRAVEL$ = AN 5TIRE WEEK )\T
ONCE HAV+ 6/OP 6USE ! BA?ROOM4 ,FLOR;E
,H5D]SON SANG ACR ?REE /ATES )\T ANY"O
PU%+ H] \ ! C> DOOR4 ,:5 ,I 0 GR[+ UP1
WE WDN'T 2 \ ! DRIVEWAY 2F MY BRO!R
,GL5N _H SLU7$ ME = BR1?+ ON HM4
  ,WE D \RVS A 4FAVOR :5 WE EXPECT
FAMILY LIFE 6BE .,! .,BRADY .,BUN*
REVISIT$4 ,TRU? IS1 MO/ ( \R FAMILIES
LUR* F "O MESS 6ANO!R4 ,& T'S N AN ALT
BAD ?+4 ,O!RWISE1 H[ WD WE CULTIVATE !
F9E >T ( =GIVE;S8
  ,MY WIFE EV5 =GAVE ME AF \R F/
VAC,N4 ,%E SD AT ! "T1 8,Y C'T HELP X4
,Y -E F A L;G L9E ( M5 :O DON'T LI/5
6_! WIVES40
  ,I SD1 8,EXCUSE ME1 :AT DID Y    #DI
SAY80
  ,WE'RE SAV+ UP = \R NEXT VAC,N4
,WE'RE ?9K+ AB ! M.TA9S4
  8,"! >E ALL K9DS ( PLACES 6LOSE A
KID "!10 ,I TOLD MY WIFE4
  ,B %E "KS ,I'M J KI4+4 ,ACTU,Y1 ,I
?ANK ,GOD E "D = MY *N4 ,E "D--J "S
"DS M ?AN O!RS4

         ,A ,FAMILY ,TRADI;N

  ,MY "M 0 ! F/ 6NOTICE H[ \R SON
,SP;ER'S FEET & NOSE PO9T$ 9 DI6]5T
DIREC;NS :5 HE WALK$4 ,WE TOOK HM 6!
B"O DOCTOR1 :O LAID \R "O-YE>-OLD ON A
TA# & LOOK$ HM OV]4
  8,YR SON HAS TURN$-IN FEET &A
H]NIA10 HE 9=M$ U4 8,! FEET WE C FIX )
>* SUPPORTS1 B HE'LL NE$ AN OP],N =!
H]NIA40
  ,SURG]Y 0 S*$UL$ =! FOLL[+ "D4 ,I
CALL$ ,MOM 6TELL H] ! NEWS4 ,%E REM9D$
ME T H]NIAS 7 A FAMILY TRADI;N4 ,MY
"Y] BRO!R ,DAVID _H "O :5 WE 7 LL &
%>$ A B$ROOM4 ,I REMEMB]$4
  ,MOM & ,DAD _H CALL$ ! KIDS TGR4
8,DAVID W NE$ AN OP],N10 !Y TOLD U4
  8,CD X KILL HM80 MY SI/] ASK$4
  8,WE N"E "K10 ,DAD SD1 8S WE'D BETT]
PRAY40
  ,I PRAY$1 B N TOO H>D1 S9CE ,I'D ALW
WANT$ A B$ROOM ( MY [N4
  ,DAVID N ONLY SURVIV$1 HE CAME HOME
F ! HOSPITAL )! N1TE/ TOYS4 ,8 0 !
P]FECT *ILDHOOD ILL;S S]I\S 5 6M]IT
PRES5TS1 B N S PA9;L HE CDN'T PLAY )
!M4
  ,ON ! "D ( ,SP;ER'S SURG]Y1 MY DAD
MET U AT ! HOSPITAL4 ,I'D 8GUILT$0 HM
96X4 ,FIFTE5 YE>S 2F1 HE'D SKIPP$ MY
HI< S*OOL GRADU,N4 ,SITT+ 9 A BOIL+
GYM :ILE A LOCAL PUNDIT ADMONI%$ !
/UD5TS 6RISE ABV _! M$IOCR;Y WASN'T
,DAD'S IDEA (A GD "T4 ,S HE /AY$ HOME4
,N[ HE FEELS GUILTY AB X & PRETTY M*
DOES :AT"E ,I ASK1 ESPECI,Y IF ,I />T
HUMM+ 8,POMP & ,CIRCUM/.E40 ,S ,I
CALL$ HM & PO9T$ \ T MY !RAPI/ FEELS V
POSITIVE AB MY *.ES =A -PLETE RECOV]Y
B>R+ ANY FUR!R REJEC;N &1 SURE     #EA
5\<1 ,DAD 0 AT ! HOSPITAL B"R & E>LY4
  ,"EY?+ CAME \ F9E4 ,! >* SUPPORTS
DID ! TRICK1 &! HALF-H\R SURG]Y 0
TEXTBOOK4 ,EV5 ! SC>S W5T AWAY4 ,B.S$
IS ! FAMILY ^: GRAVE/ PRO#MS >E S
EASILY REM$I$4
  ,A C\S9 ( M9E GAVE BIR? "S YE>S AGO4
,A L;G-FAC$ DOCTOR CAME \ & TOLD H] T
H] SON _H ?REE HOLES 9 8 HE>T4 ,X TORE
A HOLE 9 H] HE>T1 TOO4 ,"S SC>S >E A
L;G "T H1L+4
  ,"O ?+ ,I'VE N"E "U/OOD IS :Y ,I'M S
B.S$--GD P>5TS1 GD WIFE1 GD KIDS1 GD
JOB--& O!RS >5'T4 ,I US$ 6?9K X 0 2C
,I 0 NICE 6,GOD1 UNTIL ,I MET "S
BATT]$ SA9TS4 ,N[ ,I J ?9K "!'S A
R&OM;S 9 ? _W 2Y MY "U/&+4 ,! APO/LE
,PAUL SD T ON ? SIDE ( ?+S WE SEE 9 A
MIRROR DIMLY4
  ,IF Y WOKE UP ? MORN+ & YR KIDS 7
H1L?Y & YR P>5TS LOV$ Y1 !N Y DON'T H
ANY PRO#MS4 ,Y MI<T ?9K Y D1 B Y
DON'T4 ,& IF AT NI<T1 :5 Y /1L 96YR
*'S ROOM & WAT* H] LL BODY RISE & FALL
)! BR1?+1 & YR HE>T A*ES ) LOVE1 3SID]
YR LIFE SUBLIME4

              8,PAT*ES0

  ,SP;ER 0 A YE> OLD :5 ,JOAN & ,I
TOOK HM = 8 F/ HAIRCUT4 ,WE WANT$
6TAKE HM 6,L9DA1 \R B1UTICIAN FR1 B %E
WON'T "W ON TO4L]S4 ,_H WE BE5 SM>T1
WE'D H ASK$ :Y4 ,9/1D1 WE TOOK HM 6A
B>B]%OP >.D ! CORN]4 ,! PROPRIETOR1
,$1 DIDN'T ASK \R PREF]R$ /YLE4 ,J GOT
\ ! CLIPP]S1 W5T 6"W1 & N9E BUCKS LAT]
WE 7 CALL+ \R SON ,PAT*ES4
  ,ON ! DRIVE HOME ,I DID A LL MA?4
,N9E BUCKS A MON? = EI<TE5 YE>S EQUALS
NE>LY TWO ?\S& DOLL>S4 ,TWO ?\S&
DOLL>S =! PRIVILEGE ( CALL+ \R SON
,PAT*ES4 ,AT ? PO9T1 A R1SONA# MAN WD
H G"O BACK 6HIS B1UTICIAN FR & ASK$1
8,N[ :Y IS X Y DON'T CUT *N'S HAIR80
,9/1D1 ) 3FID;E BRIMM+ OV]1 ,I SD
6,JOAN1 8,I'VE BE5 6COLLEGE4 ,I C CUT
MY SON'S HAIR40 ,I LAT] LE>N$ T
COLLEGE HAS NO?+ 6D ) CUTT+ HAIR4
,9DE$1 A FEW M YE>S ( $UC,N MI<T   #EC
H CAUS$ ME 6RECONSID] ! TASK ,I 0 AB
6"UTAKE4
  ,JOAN1 ,PAT*ES1 & ,I 7 AT ! DE"P;T
/ORE ! FOLL[+ WEEK5D & CAME ACR A
HAIRCUTT+ KIT ON SALE6 ,Z A /UD5T (
!OLOGY1 ,I P]CVD ? 6BE A SIGN F ,GOD4
,JOAN _H H] D\BTS & PUT =? A VIGOR\S
>GU;T4 8,A HAIRCUT 0 ,SAMSON'S RU9,N10
%E W>N$ ME4
  8,SAMSON 0 A FREE-LOVE HIPPIE10 ,I
REJO9$4 8,2SS1 ! APO/LE ,PAUL SD T M5
) L;G HAIR W BURN 9 ,HADES40 ,HE
DIDN'T RE,Y SAY T1 B ,I KNEW %E WDN'T
"K T4
  ,DUR+ ! FOLL[+ WEEKS1 ,I OBS]V$ MY
SON CLOSELY = EVID;E ( HAIR GR[?4 ,!
EV5+ 2F MY DEBUT Z HAIR DESIGN]1 ,I
%>P5$ & OIL$ ! CLIPP]S1 !N RETIR$ E>LY
6GA9 SU6ICI5T RE/4
  ,:AT HAPP5$ ! NEXT "D 0 .,"F .,"KS
.,BE/ MEETS .,APOCALYPSE .,N[4 ,2C
,JOAN _H =BI45 ME 6/RAP ,SP;ER 9 8
*AIR1 ,I CD H>DLY 2 BLAM$ =!
CATA/ROPHE T FOLL[$4 ,ACTU,Y1 ?+S 7
GO+ F9E UNTIL ,I TURN$ ON ! CLIPP]S4
,!N ,SP;ER JUMP$1 &! CLIPP]S TOOK ON A
M9D ( _! [N4 ,0! "T ,I TURN$ !M (F1 8
H1D _H BE5 CLE>-CUT4 ,! GD NEWS 9 ALL
( ? 0 4COV]+ T A BASEBALL CAP IS EV5
*1P] ?AN A HAIRCUTT+ KIT4
  ,! ?+ ,I ADMIRE MO/ AB MY WIFE1 O!R
?AN H] MOVIE-/> LOOKS & ,"M ,T]ESA
SA9TLI;S 7C Y TELL %E'S / MAD AT ME871
IS H] UNCANNY KNACK ( "K+ :AT %E'S GD
AT & :AT %E ISN'T4 ,ALL TOO (T5 ,I 5D
UP SP9N+ MY :EELS 9 FIELDS ,I %D H
/E]$ CLE> ( 9 ! F/ PLACE4
  ,! APO/LE ,PAUL KNEW ?4 ,HE N ONLY
TALK$ AB HAIR1 HE AL M5;N$ "S?+ AB
VALU+ YR GIFTS & "W+ F YR /R5G?S4 ,:
,I SUSPECT 0 :AT MY WIFE 0 TRY+ 6TELL
ME :5 %E HID MY CLIPP]S4

              ,"R ,HE>TS

  ,"! 7 FIVE *N 9 MY FAMILY :5 ,I 0
GR[+ UP--F\R SONS & "O DAU<T]4 ,MY
SI/]1 ,*ICK1 0 ! OLDE/ *1 & ,I CAME 9
AT NUMB] F\R4 ,O3A.N,Y %E WD BABY-SIT
U &1 ?\< WE 7 BI7]1 %E _H A /R;G   #EE
"R HOOK & ?US \R W>Y RESPECT4 ,%E 0 !
SC\T =! FAMILY WAGON TRA91 &! RE/ ( U
LOOK$ 6H] 6%[ U ! WAY4
  ,MO/ (! FAMILY 8F/S0 2L;G 6,*ICK
EXCEPT = M>RIAGE4 ,%E & ,TOM GOT A
LATE />T ON _! NUPTIALS & WANT$
6SQUEEZE 9 ?REE *N 2F %E TURN$ =TY4
,!Y _H ?REE BOYS 9 ?REE YE>S1 : IS N !
TEXTBOOK WAY 6G AB X4
  ,"! H BE5 "S PRO#MS1 MO/LY ) _!
OLDE/ BOY1 ! ?REE-YE>-OLD1 :O ACQUIR$
! HABIT ( LOCK+ 8 TWO "Y] BRO!RS 9 _!
B$ROOMS4 ,BE5 A LOT ( ANXI\S MO;TS
SP5T JIMMY+ OP5 DOOR LOCKS :ILE ^?
TO4L]S 7 ON ! O!R SIDE (! DOOR /U6+ :O
"KS :AT 9 _! M\?S1 *OK+1 & TURN+ BLUE4
  ,TOM & ,*ICK TOOK ALL ! DOORKNOBS
(F1 EXCEPT =! "O ON _! B$ROOM DOOR1 :
!Y TURN$ >.D S T ! LOCK 0 ON ! \TSIDE
(! ROOM4 ,? "W$ F9E UNTIL "O MORN+ :5
MY SI/] 0 MAK+ H] B$ & HE>D ! DOOR %UT
2H H] ) H] OLDE/ BOY 9SIDE H] ROOM &!
DOOR LOCK$ 2H HM F ! \TSIDE4 ,! O!R *N
7 D[N/AIRS1 UNSUP]VIS$ & 9A3ESSI#1
PROBABLY AT T V MO;T POK+ _! T;GUES
96ELECTRICAL SOCKETS4
  ,%E SAT ON ! B$ & CRI$ & CRI$ &
CRI$4 ,=TY YE>S OLD1 ?REE *N1 & %E'S
H1D$ = N]V\S BR1KD[N C.TRY4 ,? B1UTI;L
WOMAN :O GRADUAT$ F COLLEGE )A P]FECT
#D.J1 \TWITT$ 0A ?REE-YE>-OLD4 ,AT T
MO;T1 %E 2LIEV$ 9 "D C>E Z N"E 2F4
  ,%E /UCK H] H1D \ ! W9D[ & YELL$ =A
NEI<BOR 6-E OV] & UNLOCK H] B$ROOM
DOOR1 : A NEI<BOR DID4 ,*ICK 0
HUMILIAT$4 ,%E CALL$ ME T NI<T 6TELL
ME AB X4 ,%E ASK$ ME N 6TELL ANY"O4 ,I
TOLD H] N 6WORRY1 H] SECRET 0 SAFE )
ME4
  ,%E SD1 8,:Y DID WE TURN T LOCK >.D8
,:AT 7 WE ?9K+80
  ,I ADMIR$ H] C&OR4 ,IF T _H BE5 ME1
,I DON'T ?9K ,I WD H TOLD ANY"O1 OR IF
,I _H1 ,I WD H F.D A WAY 6MAKE X "S"O
ELSE'S FAULT4 ,I H ? SAD LL HABIT (
NE$+ O!RS 6?9K WELL ( ME4 ,N MY SI/]4
,%E 0 C&ID & WILL+ 6ADMIT H] LAPSE4
,S* A REFRE%+ *ANGE F \R "K-X-ALL
T5D5CIES4
  ,I 0 S++ 9 AN ,EA/] *OIR ONCE1   #EG
&A MAN ASK$ ME :Y ! S;G SD ,JESUS DI$
ON A TREE4 ,I 0 S EAG] 6IMPRESS1 ,I
GAVE HM A L;G1 SEM9>Y-TYPE ANSW] AB
CRUCIFIXION ME?ODS 9 F/-C5TURY
,PALE/9E4 ,HE LI/5$ 6ME G ON1 !N SD1
8,OH1 ,I J ?"\ MAYBE !Y US$ ! ^W
,8TREE0' 2C X RHYM$40
  ,A LOT ( FOLKS ?9K CLOSE;S 6,GOD
M1NS "K+ ALL ! "R ANSW]S4 ,B ,I DON'T
AGREE4 ,I ?9K CLOSE;S 6,GOD 2G9S !
NI<T WE TOSS & TURN 9 B$1 R1LIZ+ WE
DON'T "K X ALL4 ,LOOK AT ! ,BI#4 ,"S (
XS F9E/ SA9TS 7 L;G ON "QS3 ,JOB ON 8
A% H1P1 ! 4CIPLES ASK+ ,JESUS 6T1* !M
6PRAY1 ,NICODEMUS GRILL+ ,JESUS LATE
96! NI<T1 EV5 ,JESUS ON ! CROSS4
  ,HAV+ SP5T M* ( MY LIFE %[+ (F MY
SM>TS1 ,I NE>LY *OKE ON ! ^WS 8,I
DON'T "K40 ,/1 ,I SUSPECT ^? ^WS MI<T
2 ! K+DOM KEYS4 ,:AT X BOILS D[N 6IS T
,GOD DOESN'T C>E :E!R OR N WE H "R
ANSW]S4 ,J "R HE>TS4


   ,SURPRISE1 ,SURPRISE1 ,SURPRISE6

  ,MY WIFE & ,I WAIT$ EI<T YE>S 6H *N4
,I 0 9 COLLEGE1 !N GRADUATE S*OOL1 &
?"\ ,I 0 TOO BUSY4 ,MY "M _H FIVE *N 9
SEV5 YE>S1 0 PR9CIPAL (A S*OOL1 &
ATT5D$ COLLEGE ALL AT ! SAME "T4 ,& %E
DID A GD JOB1 : ,I PO9T \ 6H] E
,SATUR"D :5 ,I VISIT H] AT ! ,HOME =!
,M5T,Y ,4TRAU<T4
  ,DESPITE \R *ILD.S /ATE1 MY WIFE &
,I 7 WILL+1 9DE$ EAG]1 6%>E \R
P]SPECTIVE ON *-RE>+ ) ANY"O :O WD
LI/54 ,N[ T WE H *N1 WE SELDOM (F]
ADVICE4 ,! MO;T Y TELL "S"O ELSE H[
6RAISE _! KID1 ! O4S 9CR1SE T YR [N *
W TURN UP ON .,AM]ICA'S .,MO/ .,WANT$4
  ,S WE DON'T GIVE ADVICE ANYMORE1 2C
Z P>5TS WE'VE R1LIZ$ WE DON'T "K ANY?+
AB *N4 ,2F WE _H *N1 WE KNEW "EY?+4
,N[ WE H *N1 &! ONLY P>5T WE FEEL
SUP]IOR 6IS ,MA ,B>K]4
  ,X'S BE5 H>D 6ADMIT MY IGNOR.E AB
*-RE>+4 ,X'S EASY 6BE SMUG :5 Y'RE
DRIV+ HOME F "S"O ELSE'S H\SE SAY+1
8,:5 ,I H *N1 !Y W N"E ACT L T40   #EI
,N[ :5 \R *ILD.S FRS VISIT1 ,I TELL !M
:5 !Y L1VE1 8,DON'T TALK AB U ON YR
WAY HOME40 ,!Y "K :AT ,I M1N4
  ,MO/ EXP]I;ES DON'T TURN \ ! WAY
WE'D PLANN$4 ,P>5T+ IS "O ( !M4
  ,TAKE ,SP;ER'S SECOND ,*RI/MAS4
,"S"O 9 ! *UR* GAVE HM A ,NATIV;Y SET
Z A GIFT4 ,HE 0 "PICUL>LY TAK5 )! WISE
M51 "O ( :OM HE US$ Z TA#W>E4 ,DIPP$
,BAL?AS> UP 6HIS E>S 9 KET*UP & LICK$
HM CL1N4 ,MY WIFE SD1 8,H"OY1 DON'T
DIP ! WISE MAN 9 ! KET*UP40
  ,"! >E _M ?+S WE ANTICIPAT$ TELL+ \R
*N4 ,?+S L1 8,2C ,I SD S1 T'S :Y60 &
8,N 9 ? H\SE Y WON'T60 & EV5 8,DON'T
PUT T 9 ! TOILET60 ,B WE N"E IMAG9$
\RVS SAY+1 8,DON'T DIP ! WISE MAN 9 !
KET*UP60
  ,T'S ! KICK AB LIFE4 ,WE ?9K WE H X
FIGUR$ \1 B !N WE WADE 9 & 4COV]
O!RWISE4 ,K9D ( L ,GOM] ,PYLE US$
6SAY1 8,SURPRISE1 SURPRISE1 SURPRISE60
  ,ALL 9 ALL1 ? IS A GD ?+4 ,= :5 \R
FUTURE IS SURE & C]TA91 :5 ALL !
CORN]S >E TUCK$ 9 NICE & N1T1 "! IS NO
NE$ = FAI?4
  ,3SID] ,K+ ,DAVID4 ,HE GREW UP A
%EPH]D1 : 0 NO?+ 6WRITE HOME AB4 ,IF
YR JOB C 2 D"O 0A DOG1 X'S "T 6WORRY4
,S ,DAVID GREW UP A %EPH]D1 B HE DI$ A
K+4 ,GOES 6%[ WE N"E "K :AT DIREC;N
LIFE W TAKE4
  ,? IS ESPECI,Y TRUE ( 2+ A P>5T4 ,WE
N"E "K "EY?+ "! IS 6"K4 ,ONLY SOLU;N
IS DO+ YR BE/ & TRU/+ ,GOD =! RE/4 ,AT
L1/ T'S :AT MY SA9T$ "M US$ 6TELL ME1
BACK 9 MY "Y] "DS1 :5 ,I KNEW X ALL4

            ,H&YMAN ,BLUES

  ,:5 WE _H \R F/ *1 "EY"O SD WE'D H
6BUILD ON4 ,\R H\SE _H ?REE B$ROOMS &A
GD-SIZ$ LIV+ ROOM1 S ,I CDN'T FIGURE \
:Y WE NE$$ M ROOM4 ,PLUS1 9 ,RUSSIA !Y
CRAM TW5TY P 96A TWO-ROOM A"P;T4 ,!N
\R SON TURN$ TWO1 & ,I LE>N$ :AT E
P>5T "KS3 ,! EXTRA SPACE ISN'T =!
KIDS2 X'S =! P>5TS4
  ,WE DECID$ 63V]T \R BASE;T 96LIV+
SPACE4 ,CALL$ 9 A 3TRACTOR = AN    #FA
E/IMATE4 ,MADE SURE 6TELL HM AB NE$+
A3ESS 6! PIPES1 2C E N[ & !N A BIG GOB
( POTATO PEELS JAMS ! G>BAGE 4POSAL1 S
,I H 6G D[N 6! BASE;T1 OP5 UP ! PIPE1
& RAM A CLO!S HANG] "? 6LOOS5 ?+S UP4
  ,F/1 WE _H 6GET ! BASE;T DRY4
,LATELY1 X'S BE5 GETT+ WET E "T X
RA9S4 ,I FIGUR$ ! DRA9AGE TILE -+ (F !
RA9 GUTT]S 0 CLO7$ ) ROOTS F \R MAPLE
TREE1 : ,I W CUT D[N J Z SOON Z ,I GET
MY *A9 SAW FIX$4 7,I BROKE X TRY+ 6CUT
"S BRICKS47 ,TURN$ \ X WASN'T ROOTS4
,X 0 A SQUIRREL T _H FALL5 9 ! D[N
SP\T & GOT /UCK4 ,BASIC,Y1 :AT ,I _H 0
A SQUIRREL CORK4 ,I R5T$ A PLUMB]'S
SNAKE--TW5TY-FIVE FEET ( CA# )A
SLIC]/DIC] ON ! 5D1 & N[ MY BASE;T IS
,SAH>A DRY4
  ,2F !Y DRYWALL$ ! BASE;T1 ,I 0 TOLD
,I'D H 6CL1N ! MILDEW (F ! WALLS4 ,? 0
"S?+ ,I DIDN'T "U/&4 ,I 0 DRYWALL+
6HIDE ! MILDEW1 S F/ ,I _H 6CL1N !
MILDEW8 ,:Y BO!R DRYWALL+8
  ,I =GOT 6TELL ! 3TRACTOR T "S"TS !
DIRTY WAT] F ! WA%+ MA*9E BACKS UP "?
! FLOOR DRA94 ,B ,I /UCK A WAD ( DUCT
TAPE 9 ! DRA9 & TOOK C>E ( T LL PRO#M4
  ,I H A FR :O TOOK A CLASS 9 HOME
MA9T5.E4 ,8 H\SE IS P]FECT4 ,:5 HE
NE$S A SCREWDRIV]1 HE GOES "R 6HIS
"W%OP & GETS X4 ,:5 ,I NE$ A
SCREWDRIV]1 ,I H1D 6! KIT*5 =A BUTT]
KNIFE4 ,I HATE X :5 HE -ES 6MY H\SE4
,HE SAYS ?+S L1 8,I'M N TRY+ 6AL>M Y1
B ! ELECTRICAL \TLETS PROBABLY %DN'T
?R[ \ FLAMES :5 Y TURN ON A LAMP40
  ,I H ANO!R FR :O HIRES "EY?+ D"O4
,HE'S A MAN :O'S MADE 8 P1CE ) 8
9EPTITUDE4 ,N ME4 ,I -E F ! S*OOL (
RU7$ 9DIVIDUALI/S4 ,I FIGURE ,DANIEL
,BOONE N"E CALL$ A PLUMB]4
  ,"S"TS MY ?REE-YE>-OLD WANTS 6HELP )
H\SEHOLD REPAIRS4 ,ONCE WE FIX$ A L1KY
FAUCET TGR4 ,I =GOT 6TURN (F ! WAT] 2F
,I />T$1 &A GEYS] HIT ! KIT*5 CEIL+4
,! NEXT "T WE FIX$ A FAUCET1 HE PUT ON
8 RA9COAT4 ,QK LE>N]1 MY SON4
  ,TRADI;N HAS X T ,JESUS 0 A C>P5T]4
,T M1NS HE W5T 96P'S HOMES 6FIX ?+S4
,Y'LL NOTE HE F.D ANO!R L9E ( "W   #FC
PRETTY QKLY4 ,WISE MAN1 \R ,SAVIOR4

            ,ADVICE ,GIV]S

  ,IF A WELL-9T5;N$ P]SON SAYS 6Y1
8,N[ X'S N"O ( MY BUSI;S1 B IF T 7 MY
*1 ,I WD '''10 PL1SE1 =! SAKE ( \R
,"L1 /IFLE YR IMPULSE 6*OKE !M4
  ,2F \R F/ * 0 BORN1 MY WIFE & ,I R1D
S"EAL BOOKS AB P>5T+4 ,:5 ,SP;ER
>RIV$1 WE 4COV]$ J H[ USE;L ^? BOOKS C
BE1 "PICUL>LY = *EW+ ON4
  ,:5 \R SECOND SON1 ,SAM1 0 BORN1 MY
"M CAME 6HELP4 ,%E'S A SM>T WOMAN :O
R1DS Q A BIT4 ,%E _H J R1D A BOOK AB
P>5T+ & 0 EAG] 6%>E H] K4 ,SP;ER1 !N
TWO YE>S OLD1 ?REW A TANTRUM :ILE ,MOM
0 ) U4 ,I _HN'T SLEPT = TWO "DS1 & AF
AN H\R ( CRY+--M9E1 N HIS--,I GAVE
,SP;ER :AT HE WANT$4
  8,BOY1 T 0 A MISTAKE10 ,MOM W>N$4 ,&
%E PROCE$$ 6TELL ME T IF ,SP;ER GETS
:AT HE WANTS 0?R[+ A FIT1 "!'S NO
TELL+ ": HE'LL 5D UP4
  8,PROBABLY 9 ,3GRESS10 ,I TOLD H]4
  ,MOM EV5 _H ADVICE AB SLEEP+4 ,%E
ADVIS$ U 6H BABY ,SAM LIE ON 8 BACK
6PREV5T CRIB D1?4 ,B "S"O ELSE SD !Y
%D LIE ON _! /OMA*S =! SAME R1SON4 ,S
6BE SAFE1 ,I BUILT A ROTISS]IE CRIB4
  ,2 SURE 6PRAY T YR * ESCAPES ! USUAL
9FANT AIL;TS1 2C GIV+ UP VAC,N "T
6WAT* YR KID IS A R1L DRAG4 ,B AL 2C
ADVICE GIV]S -E \ (! WOOD"W :5 !Y CAT*
A :IFF ( SICK;S4 ,SURPRIS+LY1 _M P
SPOKE AB ! CURATIVE P[] ( :ISKEY 9
SMALL DOSES4 ,S ,I TRI$ X1 B X ONLY
MADE ME LI<TH1D$ & WOOZY4
  ,! WOR/ ADVICE WE RCVD 0 F A MAN :O
TOLD U T HOLD+ \R BABY WD SPOIL HM4
,OBVI\SLY1 HE DIDN'T "U/& H[ BABIES
REQUIRE ! 9TIMACY T CU4L+ PROVIDES4
,2SS1 CU4L+ BABIES IS FUN & ALM MAKES
UP = :AT \R *N D 6U Z TE5AG]S4
  ,! BE/ ADVICE WE RCVD 0 F ! LADY :O
TOLD U AB BABY-SITT]S4
  ,! ,BI# (F]S P>5T+ ADVICE4 ,X SP1KS
( SP>+ ! ROD & SPOIL+ ! *4 ,"S FOLKS
?9K ? M1NS SPANK+ YR *1 B ! PSALMI/
SP1KS (A ROD : GIVES -=T4 8,?Y     #FE
ROD & ?Y /AFF !Y -=T ME40 ,S X RE,Y
HAS M 6D ) G5TLE GUID.E4
  ,I 2LIEVE ,I'VE GOT ? ADVICE ?+
FIGUR$ \4 ,X ISN'T T WE ?9K WE "K M
?AN ! P>5TS4 ,X'S MO/LY AB L5D+ A H& )
"S?+ Z N1T Z RAIS+ A *4 ,X'S ! SAME
PR9CIPLE 2H PLANT+ A TREE4 ,TW5TY YE>S
LAT]1 WE -E ^U X & DELI<T T WE _H A "P
9 XS GR[+4
  ,S :5 FOLKS />T TELL+ Y H[ 6RAISE YR
*1 DON'T ?9K ( !M Z BUSYBODIES1 B Z
TREE PLANT]S4 ,T WAY1 IF YR LL SAPL+
GOES BAD1 Y'LL H "S"O ELSE 6BLAME4

           ,,5D ,,( ,,"P #A


































                                   #FG











































   ,PRODUC$ 9 ,JI6Y-BRL 7;,,TM7 BY3
          ,N,NAL ,BRL ,PRESS
        #HH ,/4 ,/EPH5 ,/REET
         ,BO/ON1 ,,MA #JBAAE
           7#HJJ7 #EDH-GCBC
           _+WWW.NBP.ORG_:
                                   #FI